Keith's beautiful, naturally aging mother shows up at Bree's house of plastic horrors with flowers, to apologize for outing Bree's shriveled ovaries and lifeless womb. Bree serves her some tea and agrees that mom's an ugly drunk, and asks why she's such a bitch all the time. Turns out Keith's beautiful, naturally aging mother is having long-term relationship trouble with John Schneider -- proof that she's nuts, IMO -- and that they miss Keith. Bree invites them to Thanksgiving and tells Keith's beautiful, naturally aging mother to give her crazy-hot husband some Real Talk every now and then. And then she threatens to shoot Keith's mother with her guns, because all of these people are awful people.

Lynette's waiting for Paige to cry it out -- on the porch, with some iced tea -- when Susan shows up whining about some bullshit about Mike and how she's unable to properly use a telephone or something. Distracted by the baby monitor and crying, Susan gets all nervous, so Lynette -- awesomely -- shuts it off. Susan immediately and transparently goes inside for some lemons for the iced tea and starts bothering the baby.

Cunning as the lemon ruse was, Lynette figures out that Susan is fucking with her baby almost immediately, and enters the house with executive realness: "Susan. We stopped keeping lemons under the baby a while ago." Susan mealymouths some bullshit Bad Mommy stuff about how her entire identity is sucking the life out of children by substituting their needs for common sense and proving what a saint she is, and when Lynette reminds her that Paige is not even her fucking baby and this is a job for which she is paid in cash money, Susan responds by calling Lynette a mean cold unfeeling parent, in a way she thinks is adorable but actually should get her slapped and fired.

Tom brings a chocolate cream pie over to Renee's so the Scavo Horde won't eat it before Thursday, and of course Renee answers the door in a towel -- "Thought you were the cable guy, I'm trying to get free premium" -- and then has to go inside and stammer and accidentally say "chocolate cream thigh" and shrug his shoulders and generally act about as sexually appealing as Cojo. Maybe it's a defensive mechanism against Renee's hotness, I don't know, but his virtue's never been so safe.