Eventually the Mexicans are like, "You guys are being really inappropriate hashing this out in front of us, like, you're verging on looking like you might have some abuse issues going on? So let's change the subject." What does Gaby want to talk about? Grace Grace Grace. What is she wearing, what is she thinking, what does she smell like, what does she taste like, what luggage will she fit in. Grace acts unctuous as usual and goes upstairs to annoy Juanita, while downstairs the Solises continue with the Bickersons act.

Why do people do this? Why on earth would you think that whining about your spouse to me, in front of your spouse, is going to make you look better and not worse? I mean, the victim thing maybe seems attractive to you -- although to the rest of us you still just appear fucked up and whiny -- but you're not even a victim in this scenario: You're both just assholes, acting like assholes, trying to get us to pick which asshole. It's so mystifying.

Gaby produces a jug full of about two margaritas and offers them around, and they act like trash for awhile, and Hector tries to join in with some misogyny chuckles of his own, and then Carlos gets Gaby to admit she forgot to pick up the Thanksgiving pies. (Glad you asked: Cherry-Nopalitos which is cherry pie with cactuses in it, Pumpkin-Tripas which is pumpkin pie with brains in it, and Organ Meat Empanadas.) She tells him they're good having pudding and Halloween candy, and he threatens to hit her, so she says she's had a glass of wine, but he threatens to hit her again, and it's so uncomfortable that finally Hector threatens to take her to the pie store to get the goddamned pies. Everybody agrees that all women are unreasonable bitches and that marriage is akin to sitting on a knife, and they leave.

Susan screams Happy Thanksgiving! at Renee, all kinds of retardy for the party, and Renee's like, "You live in an apartment, take it down a notch." MJ says something truly rude and unlikely, so Renee does something even more cartoonish and points out the chalk line past which children are not allowed to proceed. The kids' table is in the driveway, although it was in the street before the cops made her move it. If the show would just commit to being this over the top all the time, it would be really good. But the smarmy need to manipulate emotions, and imply really mean things about women -- the two things that qualify it as "camp," which is why camp sucks -- throw off the whole mix.

Susan barely acknowledges Lynette and Tom, looking around immediately for Paige and hoping she can fuck up Lynette's parenting some more. Turns out she can. The twins are watching her and football at the same time, and have been authorized to pick her up if she cries for more than 20 minutes. Susan's laziness and selfishness cause her eyes to mist over as she stares down the street at the baby she just knows she could raise better than its own mother.