Desperate Housewives
Suspicious Minds

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B | Grade It Now!
Suspicious Minds

Over to Andrew the Asshole's Swim Meet. KimberBree is wearing the most fantastic yellow sweater ever. She looks totally gorg. I love Marcia Cross. Have I mentioned that? If they made shirts at Kitson that said "Mrs. Dr. Kimberly Shaw," I would buy one. Anyway, Andrew is rough-housing with his team mates and looking happy as a clam. KimberBree watches, worried, and tells Rex that it really bothers her that while Mama Solis is still all Wasting Away in Comaville, Andrew is all splish-splashy happy-go-lucky. Rex sort of just shrugs that he doesn't know how else to punish the kid. They watch as the swimmers all leap into the pool -- which has no lane markers, and although everything I know about swimming comes from watching the Olympics, I am pretty sure that's wrong -- and KimberBree offers that that she thinks maybe they ought to make Andrew quit the swim team. Rex doesn't want to do this. KimberBree points out that Andrew hasn't shown "an ounce of remorse since the accident." Rex sputters that the kid is just, you know, keeping up a façade. And if they make Andrew give up swimming, he'll lose his shot at an athletic scholarship and then he'll never forgive them. Maybe Andrew should have thought of that before he fled the scene of a crime. KimberBree and Rex argue about this, and KimberBree finally just announces that Rex doesn't love Andrew as much as she does. It is at this moment that a man sits down in front of them. (I rewound that to make sure that he wasn't there to overhear them screaming at the top of their lungs about the hit and run. They still should have been more discreet, but it wasn't as bad as I thought the first time I watched this episode.) Rex rolls his eyes, but KimberBree tells Rex that it's a fact. Andrew lived inside of her, after all. "He hung out in your womb for a few months in the '80s," Rex sneers, adding that he's grown to love the kid quite a bit himself. Yes, Rex. He hung out in her womb. That's all that's involved in CARRYING ANOTHER PERSON INSIDE ONE OF YOUR ORGANS FOR THE BETTER PART OF A YEAR AND THEN PUSHING ITS ENTIRE BODY OUT OF A RATHER SMALL OPENING. Asswipe. Anyway, the race ends, and KimberBree wonders what happened. "That kid you both love so much just won the race," says the guy in front of them. Mind your knitting, Guy in Front. Rex and KimberBree clap irritably as Andrew high-fives one of his teammates.

Casa Unfaithful. People are working event-oriented things. I don’t know. Enter Miguel. He tells Gabrielle that his mother said she needed volunteers, so here he is. She coos that she's not surprised: "You were always a giver." Miguel tells her to cut it out -- his mother is right there! Gabrielle then puts him to work alphabetizing donation cards. Gabrielle takes a seat across from her boy toy, and asks if he's planning to break up with Danielle because of her, or what. "Not everything is about you," he says. And, under the table, Gabrielle sticks her foot in his crotch. I must confess, I've never done that. If only because I am very short, and it's hard for my foot to reach all the way across the table and into someone else's lap. "Been thinking about me?" she asks. "No," Miguel says. "Really? Coulda fooled me," she says. Simmer down, Mrs. Robinson. I find it hard to believe that this kid is that good in the sack, and you're beginning to make an ass out of yourself.

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Desperate Housewives




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