Desperate Housewives
Suspicious Minds

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Suspicious Minds

At the park, Lynette has learned that Claire's boss, Alexis, is just terrible. But Claire loves the kids. So she's awjorhybo4086gntte -- sorry. I fell asleep. Lynette's storylines remain painfully boring for me. Anyway. Claire's boss is awful, but Claire loves the kids, so she's torn. Is there anyone watching this who doesn't realize that Claire is obviously going to become Lynette's new nanny? I didn't think so. Anyway, Alexis -- who is not actually Joan Collins as Alexis Carrington, sadly, because that would have been interesting, what with all the drinks being tossed in faces and people being pushed off balconies -- shows up at the park, and she's terrible, and Lynette and Claire make plans to meet later in secret, blah blah Secret Love Affair As A (Boring) Metaphor for Nanny Poaching, I get it.

Over at Casa Klutzy, Susan is outside in her front yard, "drawing." Teri Hatcher looks as natural drawing as I do performing brain surgery. Miguel comes up and tells her that he knows she knows, and he knows she's freaking out, and he wants to explain: "What me and Mrs. Solis have? It's deep. We have a future. It's not just sex." That poor kid. Susan looks sad and explains that Gabrielle is not going to divorce Carlos and run off with Miguel. And while I agree with her in general, didn't Karl divorce Susan and run off with a younger woman? I'm just saying. Susan then points out that Miguel is not mature enough to have a realistic perspective on this relationship, and that he would be much happier with a girl his own age. "She's the one I want," says Miguel of Gabrielle. Poor kid. Susan looks thoughtful as Miguel explains that he really loves Gabrielle. Susan pats him sympathetically. And, across the street, Helen watches from her car and looks peeved.

Fashion show. Gay Matt is doing the MC duties, and doing them quite well. He is so charming, I kind of want to marry him myself. Backstage, there's some blah blah about how great it is that Gay Matt could fill in for Carlos at the last minute. Apparently, Carlos had some work emergency. "He couldn't talk about it," Gabrielle says, adjusting KimberBree's fantastic pink strapless number. Lynette watches her husband with a smile, and admits that Gay Matt "does have a dorky charm." Gabrielle runs through the order for the show, and then Edie comes in and reveals that her dress has been altered for optimum ho-liciousness, and that she's not wearing any underwear, and blah. We get it: Edie Is Trampy. Then Susan makes her big entrance in her white dress, and everyone acts like she looks FANTASTIC and AMAZING, and I think she looks sort of meh. The dress is nice, but her hair is crazy big and has a big old pin in it, and she's wearing too much jewelry, and her face is really made up and...the whole thing is just too much. But it is decided that Susan must hit the runway last, both because she looks so amazing and because Helen never showed up, for some reason. Everyone scatters, except Gabrielle, who tells Susan that she really looks fantastic. Susan just storms past her.

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Desperate Housewives

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