And back to Susan. She sighs that she "had passion with Mike," but that she also had "drama, lots of drama." Tearfully, she pouts: "Love isn't supposed to be that hard." Lynette stands up and kisses Susan's head maternally as she absently pours her entire drink out onto the porch. And then, DING, Susan is over Mike and on to Ian. Don't blink, because really it happens that fast. "With Ian," says Susan, "everything was always easy. That's the kind of guy I could see myself living into my nineties with." Wait, just so we're clear: Susan has a pitcher of margies and now suddenly she's given up on Mike, the man she supposedly wanted to marry just six short months ago, and moved on to some Englishman with whom she shared dubious chemistry? Either she's just in drunken-dial booty-call mode, or she's tragically needy, or she never loved Mike in the first place. I vote for "needy," because this whole Ian realization feels way too convenient; if Mike had been even vaguely into her, Susan totally would never have come to this conclusion. Both Gabby and Lynette urge Susan to go to Ian, like right now. Just then, a cab pulls up in front of the house. Lynette: "Look Susan, god called you a cab." Except god didn't call the cab; Ida Greenberg called the cab. Romantic (and drunk and desperate), Susan just pretends her name is "Ida" and hops into the cab. As they pull away, we see Ida standing on the curb with a huge pile of luggage next to her. What, so the old lady misses her flight. Big deal. These are very extenuating circumstances: Susan has to get over to her man's house stat, because she has an appointment with his great, white, porcelain throne and she just can't miss it. But I get ahead of myself.

COMMERCIALS: Take. The Lace. Challenge. Secret Embrace. Invisible Lace. Victoria's Secret. Huh?

Susan knocks on Ian's door, and already you can hear party sounds coming from within. That's right: thanks to Susan's spectacular timing, she's managed to stage a booty call right in the middle of Ian's big party. Drunk, self-involved Susan doesn't quite piece it together right away. She staggers into the house and throws herself down on the golden velvet circular settee thing in the grand gala entryway. Wow, Ian really is rich. Finally, Susan notices the waiters running around with hors d'oeuvres and figures out what night this is. Ian is temporarily confused: why is she there if not to party? Susan smiles coyly: she has some things she wanted to talk about. Whatever the reason, Ian's glad she decided to come, because he really did want her to meet this editor, "Judith." Susan doesn't think that's the smartest idea: "I didn't really bring my A game." Ian leans in for a closer look, and finally he notices that she's "sloshed." Susan giggles, and Ian, to his credit, appears pretty amused. A waiter walks past with a huge plate of oysters, and Susan gets a look on her face like she's got that "not so fresh" feeling. A partygoer overhears Ian using Susan's name and comes darting over to meet this woman Ian's been gushing to everyone about. Hm, I would have thought he'd be keeping his feelings for Susan on the Down Low, what with still being married and all. Ian asks the guy to give them a minute. The guy leaves.