The police question Mike about the dead woman with his phone number penned to her hand, but Mike doesn't even remember Seasons 1 or 2, so he hardly can be expected to remember this mystery woman. Tom leases an ultra-rundown restaurant space sans checking in with Lynette first, which causes Lynette's head to explode, which in turn causes Tom to decide to spend the night at the pizzeria. Snora brings him dinner, along with lots and lots of wine, and then tries to eat his face off. Jarred by the sudden snakebite, Tom realizes he still loves Lynette, even though she's a wonder-killer, and he hightails it home. Displaying unexpected smarts, Tom actually tells Lynette about Sssnora's sssneaky ssseduction, and Lynette goes and kicks in Snora's door and then threatens to snap her spine if she comes within lip-distance of Tom ever, never again. Susan makes a surprise visit to the hospital and interrupts Edie and Mike right in the middle of an "exam." Sad Susan goes and gets all drunk with Lynette and Gabby, and then lurches over to Plan B's house. Per Susan's usual brilliant timing, Ian is hosting a big party, which means that when Susan staggers in and tells him how her heart has a hole with a wheel inside a wheel inside an oyster shaped like Ian, or something, and then barfs hugely, there's an embarrassment of witnesses. Gabby discovers a contract offering Carlos a job with a juicy, two-million-dollar salary, so she decides to keep the marriage kindled long enough to get half. Ah, but it turns out that conniving Carlos planted the contract, a fact he waits until after Gabby has sexed him to reveal. He gleefully tells her he did it all to hurt her and regain the upper hand, and Gabby pushes him out the window. Carlos, covered in cuts and shards of glass, limps back inside and officially declares war on Gabs. Jackie from Roseanne apologizes to Bree and Orson for accusing him of being a wife-killing sociopath. As a demonstration of the new state of goodwill, Bree, Orson, Jackie, and Jackie's husband all have dinner together at the club. The ladies hit the powder room, and Jackie gives Bree a police report and evidence photos of a severely beaten Alma (Orson's ex): apparently, Orson has a documented history of spousal abuse. Meanwhile, back a the table Jackie's husband confesses to Orson that he had an affair with a woman named Monique -- as in the Monique whom Mike can't remember and whom Orson adieued so suspiciously at the morgue. Edie surprises Mike by dressing up like a sexy nurse, but something about her "tada" jogs loose a memory: Mike thinks he may remember this Monique. Perhaps intimately. Orson places an anonymous phone call to the police, identifying the body as Monique and then tattling on Jackie's husband for being Monique's mister. Why? Huh? Who? Wha? Exactly.
Previously: Susan gave Ian the heave-ho (emphasis on ho) the very instant Mike woke up from his coma; Jackie from Roseanne accused Orson of murdering his wife, and Carlos made Gabby waffles.
Okay, so this week's MAVO theme is "Confession is good for the soul." And the confessional poster girl? Edie Brit. Edie walks into Saint Timothy's church and smiles at "Father O'Malley," whom she's apparently been scandalizing with her hair-raising confessions ever since she was a little girl. But I thought she told Julie that she started out as a good girl? And hey, isn't Edie a Methodist? But whatever storyline inconsistencies we have going on here are totally obliterated by the outfit Edie's wearing in this scene: it's a beautiful heather-grey knit suit with a flared-hem skirt that is so beyond awesome that it blasts all other thoughts besides "wow" from the mind. What is that, an asymmetrical row of sweet wood buttons? Oh sweet suit, marry me! I believe a holy union between me and clothing is legal in like Hawaii, no? Yes?
We montage back on Edie's past confessions: the time she "seduced the cable guy," her "affair with a folk-singing duo," how she "let Rabbi Littman get to third base." Through the mesh of the screen, we can see that the outfits Edie has selected to wear to these individual confessions are all pretty insane. For the cable-guy confession, she's wearing a baseball cap cocked high on her head, "gee Wally" style. For her detour into the folk singing threeway, she's wearing a gingham check blouse with pigtails. And for her slip with the rabbi, she's wearing a huge white Kentucky Derby hat with a strapless dress. Throughout all the costume changes, however, the diamond cross around Edie's neck remains consistent. MAVO tells us how, after each scintillating confession, the good Father always told Edie to get out there and "sin no more," and yet "temptation seemed to be everywhere." Edie and her wonder-suit stroll into Mike "Temptation" Delfino's hospital room, and she dazzles him with a smile. Seriously, you could rob a bank in that suit. You wouldn't need a gun; people would take one look at the soft, gentle knit of that suit -- oh god, it's cashmere, right? -- and hand over everything they had.