Desperate Housewives
Sweetheart, I Have To Confess

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Sweetheart, I Have To Confess

Outside, Gabby's on the phone with her lawyer, who explains that the contract is a $2 million job offer for Carlos. Plus stock options. But the thing is, Gabby doesn't see a penny of that money if the divorce goes through before Carlos signs the contract. Gabby: "That conniving, underhanded snake. Thank god I broke into his desk." Gabby's eyes light up with that special scheming shimmer, and she asks what would happen if the divorce were delayed somehow.

Oblivious Susan struts onto the coma ward carrying flowers and wearing a floating, multi-patterned Uli-style dress. She heads right on in to Mike's room and...there's Edie, stripped down to her bra and riding Mike like he's a prize-winning bronco, only he's not doing much bucking. He's actually just kind of lying there. Susan turns and runs up the hall, dropping flowers in her wake. Hey, I didn't know Edie was into necrophilia.

COMMERCIALS: Salma Hayek unleashes her hounds on Ugly Betty.

Back at home, Susan dumps the rest of her flowers in the trash can out front. Lynette, who's out on her porch sipping a drink, invites Susan over to join her: "I suckered Mrs. McCluskey into taking the kids for awhile so I could kick back and catch up with my old friend, Margarita." For a second, Susan pretends that she's a good parent and has to make dinner for her daughter, but no: without even bothering to pop inside the house and give Julie a heads-up, Susan sits right down with Lynette and starts drinking. Though maybe Susan is just lashing out at Julie for her "He's not that into you!" zinger last week. That would be much better parenting.

Cut to Lynette and Susan, sitting on the Scavo porch, drinking their drinks, their bare feet kicked up on the wicker-and-glass coffee table. It should be noted that the boards were aflame with complaints over the filthiness of Susan's feet in this scene, but I don't think they're all that bad. They seem the normal amount of dirty for someone wearing leather flip-flops for the day. Certainly, I've seen a lot worse. Though I guess I did grow up in Marin County, which is the HQ of dirty hippie feet. Susan and Lynette are talking about how Susan could "kill Edie without doing any time." Susan: "I wish Paul Young were still around; he'd know what to do." But Paul actually is doing time, so maybe he's not the best consultant on this one. Gabby comes jogging by, and the ladies lure her into joining them as they drown the "pain" of their "miserable lives." Gabby: "Oh. I was trying to do that with exercise, but why risk a heart attack? Make mine a double."

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Desperate Housewives

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