Desperate Housewives
Sweetheart, I Have To Confess

Episode Report Card
Evany: B+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Sweetheart, I Have To Confess

Margaritaville. Lynette, Gabby, and Susan are well beyond "buzzed" and swiftly rounding the corner to "shit-faced, assholed, absolutely legless" territories. An elderly couple walks by just as Gabby slurs, "Tequila makes me happy." The couple stares, and Gabby trash-talks them. Lynette has enough sober in her to cringe just a bit: she actually knows this couple; they live over on Cypress, and they just celebrated their fifty-third wedding anniversary. Slurry Susan: "Showoffs." Slurry Gabby: "Don't worry, it won't last." Susan muses drunkenly on what the Cypress couple's "secret" might be, and Lynette suggests that it's that "the man never opened a pizza place." Suddenly, the math dawns on Susan: she's never going to celebrate a fifty-third wedding anniversary -- not unless she makes it into her "nineties." I think I've had this actual conversation with actual girlfriends over actual margaritas. There's just something about tequila that can put a girl into a melancholy math sort of mood. After a few cricket chirps, Susan hilariously says, "Oh my god. I'm going to die." (Note to Teri Hatcher: the scene, I believe, calls for "inebriation," not "dental emergency Novocaine face.") Lynette hands Susan a lime and tells her to "bite on this."

While Susan's mouth is gagged full of lime, Gabby takes her turn: she has something to confess. Susan: "Oh god, here she goes again. What grade is he in this time?" But no. The big secret is...Gabby still loves Carlos. Like that's a secret. Poor drunk, self-deluded Gabby. Lynette: "Yeah, he's hot." Nice callback to that wet revenge kiss Lynette planted on Carlos back in Season 2. Susan and Gabby give Lynette twin muddled frowns. Then Susan baby-voices that Gabby should try to "patch things up" with Carlos. Gabby thinks about it for a second, then: "Nah, I already paid a lawyer. I'm taking him down."

Then it's Lynette's turn. She blames herself for this blowup with Tom. "I want him to have what he wants," she realizes, "if it's what I want." Man, so satisfying to finally see this self-aware side of Lynette, even if it's only because she's seventy-eight sheets to the wind. Lynette: "I'm a bitch, with a capital 'C'." (Citch, what's a citch?) (Please don't email me. I know actually what it is. Hint: it rhymes with "bunt.") Gabby throws a lime at Lynette and clucks that she's a "great wife, and a great mother." Gabby takes a few beats, gives a puzzled look around, and asks, "Although...don't you have children?" Such a good scene, right? The writers need to get these girls sauced more often.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13Next

Desperate Housewives

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP