Desperate Housewives
Sweetheart, I Have To Confess

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Sweetheart, I Have To Confess

Ian sits down, and Susan slurs that she just wanted to tell him "what's really in [her] heart." As is so often the case with Susan, it's hard to look. Ian -- who, I guess, picked up an oyster somewhere back there -- takes a huge slurp of it right in Susan's face. Her face curdles and she makes a mad dash for the bathroom. The same party guest guy immediately returns to Ian's side just so that he can say how great Susan seems -- which is kind of weird; what, the guy was hovering four inches away, anxiously awaiting the moment when he could cast his vote about Susan? Ian agrees that Susan is, indeed, "delightful." Right on cue, the bathroom explodes with huge, epic sounds of barfing. (Wow, is she wired for sound in there?) Seconds later, an important-looking woman stumbles out of the bathroom. I guess Susan didn't quite make it to the toilet, seeing as it was otherwise occupied. In which case, why wasn't the door locked? Or maybe Ian is the kind of rich that has that separate sink chamber/foyer for the bathroom? Anyway, the woman is totally grossed out, and everyone at the party is staring. Blackout Susan lurches out of the bathroom and slurs an apology. Susan really does not look her best; I wouldn't even call this her D-game. Ian, about Susan's new hurl buddy: "I see you've met Judith." Susan does a Susan-y cringe-peep and retreats back into the bathroom.

Down at the club. Gary, Jackie, Orson, Bree, and Bree's cleavage are having dinner. (When they said Marcia Cross is pregnant with twins, I didn't know they were speaking metaphorically.) They're all laughing about Gary's hilarious "hole in one" story, but Bree is obviously distracted. Then Tish walks by, and Bree springs into action. She calls Tish over and introduces her to Jackie. Tish's face registers surprise as she admits that she already knows Jackie. Bree casually mentions the "decorations committee" for the "Christmas gala," and Tish notes that she must have stupidly forgotten to include Bree on the list of participants, but that she'll be sure to call Bree first thing the next morning. Bree is satisfied. Tish leaves, and Jackie declares that she needs to visit the ladies' room (yeah, her hairdo could use a little seeing to; right now it looks like an insane mass of melted plastic). Jackie invites Bree along, and Bree happily joins her.

Once inside the bathroom, Jackie sends the bathroom attendant off for more tissues; then she pulls out a little sheath of papers. Paper-clipped to the front is a photo of Alma. She has a swollen lip and a black eye, and her collarbone is scraped and bruised. The attached paper is a copy of the "police report Alma filed after Orson hit her." I find it weird that Jackie didn't mention any of this when she came ranting at Bree and Orson's engagement party, but she claims that she wanted to spend a little social time with Bree so that Bree could see that Jackie wasn't "some nut." Jackie: "I'm sorry -- if something like [Alma's injuries] ever happened again, I could never forgive myself." The bathroom attendant returns with the tissues, and Jackie hands them to Bree: "I had a feeling you might need these." And the "What, Now? Just When We Were Starting To Like Orson?" music soars.

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Desperate Housewives

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