Wow, our Housewives have been very, very busy. First, Bree gets all drunk and sentimental at some Italian restaurant where she and Rex used to go. She manages to cab it home, but the walk from the curb to her house proves too much for her, and -- holy crazy! -- she passes out right there on the front lawn! Mrs. McCluskey finds her there the next morning and tries to wake her up, but Bree is still out cold, so Andrew gleefully turns on the sprinklers. It's...ALIVE! Meanwhile, Tom and Lynette both have to go in to work today, so Tom calls Mrs. McCluskey over to babysit (it's the weekend, so no daycare). But Lynette (who apparently has heard nothing about gift horses and where not to took at them) isn't happy with Tom's choice in a babysitter, what with Mrs. McCluskey being so very ancient, so Lynette sends her home. Cut to a fantastically hungover Bree answering her door to find Lynette "I Need A Favor" Scavo standing there with the P-twins and baby Penny. So now Bree's babysitting for the hellish Scavo children, who of course can't help making all kinds of racket, prompting Bree to crack open some hair of the dog. One entire bottle of wine later, Bree passes out on the couch, and the devilish P-twins take the golden, drunken opportunity to put baby Penny in the stroller and walk three miles to some weird hair salon. The hair salon people manage to track down Lynette and Tom, so all is well. Except that Bree totally lies to Lynette about how she was "cleaning up after baking cookies" when the mini-Scavos made their break. Mrs. McCluskey, who is still peeved at being thought of as too old to babysit, finks to Lynette about Bree and her drinking, and Lynette reluctantly confronts Bree. Bree keeps denying, denying, denying, citing something about her only problem being with "antihistamines," but the TWELVE empty wine bottles in Bree's trash that Lynette unearths, they do not lie. What else? Plans for Susan to marry Karl for his insurance coverage move forward: Karl draws up a prenup, and Susan relocates her wedding ring (which she tossed into the bushes along some highway three years ago). But then, wouldn't you know it? Edie finds the ring and the prenup and jumps to the conclusion that Karl's going to propose that night over their Valentine's Day dinner. This misconception leads to an embarrassing scene where Edie digs through her chocolate souffle with her fingers, looking for the ring she's so sure is hidden there. To make amends with Edie, Karl decides to propose to her anyway, which leaves Susan feeling slightly disconcerted. Of course! Gabby's mother pay the Solises a surprise visit, much to Gabby's dismay. When Gabby and Carlos discover that Gabby may be unable to bear children, Mother Gabby offers to be their surrogate womb. Carlos is into the idea, but Gabby isn't, no not at all. You see, Gabby and her mother have an unpleasant history: Gabby's stepfather molested her when she was fifteen, and Gabby ran away from home. Carlos decides to smooth things over between mother and daughter once and for all, and tells Gabby's mother about what happened with the stepfather. But then -- ew! -- it turns out that Gabby's mother knew all about it and has, in fact, been blaming Gabby all these years for "seducing" her husband. Fresh from his lesson about how blood maybe isn't thicker than water, Carlos comes home to Gabby and sweetly tells her that maybe they can adopt after all. Last but not least, Mike tells CreePaul to leave town because evil grandfather Noah has discovered Zana's identity. And Zana overhears the warning, meaning Zana now knows that Mike is his father!
MAVO: "Susan Mayer had always believed the punishment should fit the crime." Susan doodles a hangman on a pad of binder paper. MAVO: "She first came to this conclusion when she discovered that her husband Karl had been unfaithful." Susan of yore sorts through laundry and discovers one of Karl's shirts, emblazoned with the inevitable lipstick on the collar. Not just a smudge, either: it's a perfect imprint of a full pair of lips, almost like the Other Woman deliberately used Karl's collar as a blotter. Heavy-handed prop amateurishness? Or just the sign of a vindictive woman trying to get her married man caught? You be the judge! MAVO: "Since Karl had destroyed the love she had given him, Susan felt it was only appropriate that she destroyed the things he loved in return." Montage: Susan crushing a trophy in a vise; Susan setting fired to a pair of nice men's shoes; Susan driving over a bunch of golf clubs.
MAVO: "But now, three years after their divorce, Susan was reunited with Karl once again, as partners in a crime of their own." Back in the now, Karl snaps Susan out of her daydreaming. She needs to focus: their insurance scam is serious business, and no one can ever find out about it because they could "both go to jail"! Susan, Karl, and Julie are in a summit around the table at the Mayer house. They're there to make sure that all their ducks are in a row: Karl's got the pre-nup, they've set up the appointment down at the courthouse on Wednesday, and Susan's surgery is lined up for Thursday. Check, check, check. Yes, everything's ship-shape. Nothing to worry about here! Except. Julie "Voice Of Reason" Mayer: "I think this whole thing is a tragic mistake." Well said. Julie explains that she just can't face "another ugly divorce." Susan hastens to assure her daughter that this is "strictly a business arrangement." Julie: "It better be. Because if I see so much as one lingering gaze between the two of you, I swear, I'll go to the insurance company and turn you in." Man, what is she so uptight about? It's not like her mom and dad slept together recently. Oh, wait. Julie heads up to her room, and Susan calls up to her: "So we shouldn't expect a wedding gift, huh?"