Seeming kind of bored, Hot Mom asks Carlos what he's hinting at. Carlos just cuts to the chase: "Your second husband Alejandro? When Gabby was fifteen, he sexually assaulted her." Hot Mom, leaning back on the bed: "Is that what she told you?" Carlos struggles for a minute, and then tries to explain: "Look, I know it comes as a shock, hearing it from me..." Hot Mom jumps in: "Carlos, please. I am aware they had sex." She walks over to the mirror and starts fluffing her hair. Then, with Carlos standing there, looking totally aghast, she says, "But it was Gabrielle who seduced him." Carlos: "Excuse me?" Hot Mom explains that Gabby was "always jealous," that Hot Mom always caught her trying on her shoes, her jewelry: "And I would scream at her to leave my things alone, but nooo. She wanted whatever I had. And one night, she set her sights on Alejandro. Believe me. No one got raped." Carlos blinks and looks like he's going to be sick. Uh oh, is he sick because he believes Hot Mom's version of the truth, or because he's repulsed by her insanely self-centered and abusive lies? How awesome that I don't really know. What a good scene! Carlos points out that Gabby was only fifteen. HM: "You know, a lot of men have left me over the years, and I didn't know the reason. But when Alejandro left, I knew exactly what happened: Gabrielle made him fall in love with her. It took me so many years to forgive her." Carlos seems confused: "You forgave her?" HM breezily tells him "of course," silly! She wouldn't have offered up her womb otherwise!
Karl comes outside to take out the trash, and Susan "psst"s him from the gazebo across the street. She asks him why he didn't pick up his cell phone, and he says he turned it off. So she's just been standing out there, hoping he'd come take the trash out? And where is her Little Doctor Friend? She asks where Edie is, and he says that she's been in a pissy mood ever since dinner. So Susan explains what's going on: "This whole fake-marriage thing was okay as when nobody was getting hurt. What are we doing? It's a lie! I lost Mike because of a lie, and now I'm doing the same thing to Dr. Ron." Hey! Do you think maybe she heard me, before, complaining about how she never learns? Eerie! Susan adds how "devastated" Edie is, and...well, she thinks they should call off the wedding. Karl reminds her about the whole "wandering spleen" thing again (and if I never have to type "wandering spleen" again, I'll be happy). Susan, flustered, suggests that she just "sell the car." Wait a second. This whole problem could have been solved by something as simple as selling her car? That's all she needed, money-wise? But instead she ran around trying to marry strangers and problematic ex-husbands, and putting everyone at risk for getting charged for insurance fraud? That strikes me as totally, unbelievably insane. But no! Karl insists! With Susan's health at stake, he's going to do the right thing and marry her. He'll just placate Edie by proposing anyway! Susan is totally thrown: "Well, that's a little extreme." Karl: "Not really; I was probably going to do to do it eventually anyhow. And obviously we're going to have to get a divorce before I can actually marry her." Uh oh. Now Susan looks all sad! Karl asks her what's up, and she lies that it's nothing, it's just that...she "didn't know that he loved [Edie] like that." Karl, all business: "She's a great kid, total package." Karl cocks his head quizzically. "What's the matter, Susie Q? Jealous?" Susan laughs. And yet... They hug and laugh that he could ever have thought she was jealous, but clearly they're both kind of sad and maybably harboring complicated feelings for each other, oh boy!