Desperate Housewives
Thank You So Much

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Thank You So Much

Gabby is home from another monumental shopping trip. As she's walking up to the house, she spies Carlos in their bedroom window, talking to a...woman...in a...what the hell...a robe?! Gabby throws down her shopping bags and stomps into the house. Inside, she spies mimosa detritus spread out around the table, which fuels her jealous rage all the more. Stomp, stomp! Upstairs she steamrolls into the bedroom and starts yelling at Carlos, who appears to be having his, I guess, collar adjusted (?) by the mystery woman. Just then, the woman turns around, and...holy shit, is that CHARO? Oh, no. It's (a stirringly well-preserved!) Maria Conchito Alonso. You remember, the sexy skirt under which Robin Williams defected in Moscow On The Hudson? "Hello, Gabriella," the hot woman says with a smile. Gabby's rage is immediately displaced by an arctic disappointment: "Oh. Hi...Mom."

Downstairs in the kitchen, Hot Mom shakes her wet hair all sexy and explains why she's in the robe: "The man next to me on the plane weighed three hundred pounds and he sweated all over me. Ugh, it was so gross." Gabby pointedly asks what brought on the sudden visit, what with it being Valentine's Day: "Don't you and 'Mr. Hedge Fund' have plans? I know Carlos and I do." Hot Mom fluffs her hair and casually lets it drop that she's "left Charles." Carlos looks up sharply. Gabby: "What? He was worth like six million dollars!" Hot Mom claims to think that "money isn't everything." Gabby, brightly: "For some people...but we're talking about you now, Mother!" Mom sulks, and Carlos tries to get Gabby to be civil, sternly speaking for the both of them about how bad they feel about Hot Mom's breakup. Gabby, super-flat: "Yeah. We're just sick about it." Luckily, Hot Mom reassures them, she's going to be fine, thanks to the "little gift" she bought herself to get her mind off her troubles. And with that, Hot Mom flashes Gabby her boob job. Gabby, understandably scarred for life, almost drops her coffee. Over her shoulder, Hot Mom flirts, "No peeking, Carlos!" Carlos sort of waves at her weakly, and Gabby scrambles to get the robe back on her mother because clearly every second she looks on her mother's plastic tits is another whole month in therapy. Hot Mom makes her exit, and Carlos giggles, but Gabby is not at all amused. Carlos: "What? I think she's charming." Gabby: "Okay. You can think she's charming. But don't forget for one second that she is a monster." Gabby stomps off, and Carlos keeps giggling.

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Desperate Housewives

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