Desperate Housewives
That's Good, That's Bad

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That's Good, That's Bad

George is walking home, carrying groceries, when he looks up and spies a herd of policemen ransacking his house. He ducks behind some bushes and calls Bree on his cell phone. He gets her machine. "Bree, it's me," he says. "The police are at my house. They're going through my stuff. What the hell is going on? Look, I know you're there. PICK UP. Did you have anything to do with this? Bree? Bree!" We see that Bree is, indeed, standing right there by the phone, and for a second I'm proud of her for staying mum, but then she picks up the phone and starts talking to George, which seems insane given her new understanding of the depth of George's "malevolence." She confesses that she knows what George did to Dr. Goldfine, and tells him she can now see how sick he really is, and encourages him to turn himself in and get some help. George gets his robot face going and slowly puts his phone in his pocket, picks up his grocery bags, and starts walking up the street, away from his house. After a few steps, he just drops the bags and wind-sprints up the street. Huh. Maybe next time a suspect is still at large, the Fairview cops will be a little more discreet with their house marauding.

Carlos comes downstairs, finds Gabby setting the table, and asks her what's going on. Gabby: "Oh, I invited Sister Mary Hotpants over for lunch." Whee! Carlos is all, "What?" Gabby: "You said she touched your soul, so I just want to make sure her hands are clean." The doorbell rings, and lunch begins. Sister Mary Hotpants sits at the table, radiating her jack-o-lantern smile of intense goodness as Gabby grills her with thinly, so thinly veiled animosity: "You bond with all the convicts, or was Carlos just special?" SMH pleasantly informs Gabby that while Carlos is indeed special, SMH's mission does "a ton of evangelical work with several prisons." Gabby: "Oh, I get it. Sort of like 'today's convict is tomorrow's convert'?" SMH laughs and agrees that it's something like that, but adds that she mostly does charity work. SMH asks if Gabby and Carlos are involved in any charities, and Gabby takes a big bite of carrot and mumbles, "No." Carlos: "But...we should be." Gabby gives him a questioning look, and Carlos continues: "I mean let's face it, Gabby, buying more stuff isn't going to make our lives any better." SMH, with an air of sanctimoniousness: "Exactly. Money can't buy happiness." Gabby: "Sure it can! That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep them from rioting." Gabby! Carlos: "Gabby!" Gabby tells him to lighten up, she was just joking. SMH's sunny smile dims. Carlos to SMH: "Can you believe this? I married a woman so selfish, she makes fun of the entire concept of charity." Gabby accuses Carlos of being a hypocrite, saying that the price he paid for his sports vehicle "could buy a mud hut for every peasant in Ecuador." Carlos calmly agrees, but informs her that he's "evolving." And then he offers to donate his car to SMH's mission! Gabby, who is less than thrilled to hear that they'll now be sharing one car, asks, "What if you have the car and I need to go shopping?" Carlos, with infuriating calmness: "We're going to cut back on shopping, too." Gabby, who's totally losing it: "Okay, I think we should all just calm down a little bit!" Carlos leaves the table to go find the pink slip for the car, and Gabby hands the bottle of wine to SMH, telling her to drink up -- "No one needs to know" -- and then Gabby races upstairs to find Carlos. I thought wine-drinking wasn't really something Catholics would need to keep secret, what with it being the blood of Christ, but maybe I'm an idiot, or maybe nuns are an exception, or maybe this is just more evidence of Gabby's complete lack of religious know-how? ["My mom used to work at a Catholic college, and I can tell you: no one drinks like a Jesuit." -- Wing Chun]

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Desperate Housewives

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