Julie's still in a coma this week, and Andrew shows up to spill all of her secrets to Susan: She dropped out of medical school. She's been waiting tables. She's having an affair with a married man. Susan also tells him she just found out "yesterday" that Julie might be pregnant, which seems odd, considering an entire episode and a lot of Susan stirring up mayhem for the Bolens has ensued since then, but I probably shouldn't question the timeline. Susan snoops in Julie's journal and finds that she wrote only about a man named "D." When Julie finally does wake up, Susan rushes to her side, mainly to grill her on who the hell this married man is. Julie won't spill, though, but Nick Bolen comes in at the end and tells Julie -- who's asleep again -- that he's "Dominick" and that he misses her. And, with that, we have a new suspect. Or, not so much new as someone who was already a suspect and now is even more of one.
While Susan's off worrying about her daughter, Katherine's going bananas and trying to convince Bree that Mike really loves her! Bree catches Katherine spying and gives her time off, but Katherine comes back and swears she's well. Uh, not exactly, which she proves by destroying a wedding cake that Bree's prepared for a client. So Bree does what she must, as a friend: She fires Katherine, and tells her to seek help. When she asks for the keys to the test kitchen, Katherine keys Bree's car right in front of her and then hands them over.
Gaby's not happy when John drives Ana home from work and they're all cozy and flirty. She's even less happy when Juanita and Celia find condoms under Ana's bed and Ana tells Gaby she loves John. Gaby decides to take this up with the adult in the situation, and confronts John at his restaurant. Turns out he was just trying to make Gaby jealous, which he thinks he's accomplished. She insists she's happy with Carlos, but when John kisses her, she doesn't stop him. What stops them, of course, is Ana busting in. Gaby chases after her, but Ana somehow makes it home first (despite the needing-a-ride thing). Thankfully for Gaby, Carlos isn't there. Gaby tells Ana that she had an affair with John, but is happy and in love with Carlos now and to please not tell him something that would hurt him. When Carlos gets home, we think Ana's going to tell, but instead she tells him she wants to quit her job, which is pretty sweet. Gaby then ends things with John, once and for all, via torn-up mall photo, and tells Carlos she's happy in her small life.
Elsewhere, Lynette's boobs are huge, and everyone loves them: Tom, Carlos, the clients, even the gay guys at work (though everyone but Tom thinks they're implants). She uses them to score clients, and it's hilarious, but makes her feel like a hooker. It somehow leads to a sweet conversation between her and Tom, in which he admits he likes boobs, but since she's otherwise perfect, she needs that one "flaw." Somehow he made that argument work, and she even compliments him on dodging that minefield.
Other than Nick/Dominick having an affair with Julie, the Bolens' life is pretty simple: Danny wants to drop out of school because everyone thinks he was the attacker, so Mom throws him a party (or, actually, she bribes Porter to do it). During the party prep, Danny watches his mom change (ew!) and then tells her he'll make enough money someday so that she won't need Nick and will be able to get her scar fixed. At the party, he ends up telling his dad he knows about him and Julie, which doesn't make Nick very happy.
Previously: John asked Carlos if Ana could work for him. You know, out of respect. Mike told Katherine he was choosing Susan, and she acted classy as she gave back his ring. Key word being "acted." Lynette's pregnant, and keeping it from Carlos. Lynette blurted to Susan that unconscious Julie is pregnant.
We open this episode on a framed cover of Bree's cookbook, as Mary Alice begins that Bree Van de Kamp was having an affair, and whenever her lover called, she needed an excuse to leave work early. We get a montage of her telling Katherine, who's hard at work, that she's off to the jewelers to get her pearls restrung, off to the salon to keep her hair red, off to visit her aunt -- who has shingles -- in the hospital. Then Bree shows up one day and Katherine's done all of the work for her. Bree says it's only 9, and wonders what time she got there. Katherine says 3 or 4; she has to have someplace to channel all her extra energy. Bree wonders what makes Katherine so happy, and she says she's in love. When Bree expresses relief that Katherine's finally over Mike, Katherine says that's just crazy talk: Mike's the one she loves. She pooh-poohs Bree bringing up his marriage to Susan. After all, their first marriage went down in flames and Katherine thinks this one will fail even faster -- just as soon as Julie's better, he'll leave. After all, she's noticed a light on in their den in the middle of the night, so someone's not sleeping with their new spouse. It couldn't be that a mother can't sleep with her daughter in a coma or anything. Katherine tells Bree to grab an apron and help her with dessert, and she's making extra for Mike. Mary Alice says, "Poor Bree" wanted to help her friend, but didn't have time to feel for Katherine's imaginary lover when she had a real one of her own. Bree gets a text from Karl, says she has a teeth cleaning, and leaves. Title card.
Mary Alice continues that, "You wouldn't know it to look at him, but that nice man who delivers your mail ... hits his wife." (I love how Mary Alice delivers lines about abuse, murder, and violence with such a calm demeanor; then again, she did kill herself, so none of this is shocking to her.) She tells us that the nice woman across the street embezzles from her boss, and the attractive jogging couple likes their cocaine. "The sad truth is, we don't know our friends and neighbors nearly as well as we think we do." The camera takes us into the Bolen house, past Danny and onto Nick, as she continues: "Even the people we love keep secrets." Nick hugs Angie and says he needs coffee. She says the snuggling isn't helping him get it, but he says it's waking him up. Behind them, Danny drops his spoon into his bowl. Nick wonders why he's home since he has a morning class. Danny was actually thinking of quitting school and getting a job. Angie says, "Our family's been in this country five generations. It's time one of us got a diploma." Then she sighs and asks him what's going on. He says no one at school talks to him or sits near him, because everyone thinks he's the perv who attacked Julie. Angie promises him this is temporary and that everyone will know he's innocent once the police catch the guy. She tells him to go to school today, and they'll figure something out when he gets home. He leaves, and Nick asks Angie why she's being so nice, since there's no way they're letting him drop out. Angie knows that, but she says they have to keep him happy, since he gets sloppy and says all sorts of things he shouldn't when he's not. Nick's like, "Okay, so now all we have to do is figure out how to keep a teenager happy." Yeah, that's never a challenge.
Lynette's groaning while she puts on a blouse, and Tom asks what's the matter. She says nothing fits, because her breasts have gotten huge. Tom: "Yeah. I hate it when that happens." Lynette says her boobs always get like this second trimester, like clockwork. He smiles at her, and says "The Supremes are back." She doesn't like them being named after musical groups, but he goes on that "Benny and the Jets are so happy to see them." Ick, Tom. Too far. She tells him this is serious, since she has to hide them from Carlos so he doesn't know about the pregnancy. Tom tries to get a little action, but she's not having any of it. He protests that in two weeks, they'll get sore and she'll give him that "Don't touch me" look. He begs her to take a boob day and she glares. That's the "Don't touch me" look he was talking about.
Casa de Solis. Gaby's on the phone with Carlos, telling him how she waited around all day for his repairman, who didn't show up. Oh, and his children took her $300 perfume and gave their dolls a bath. Yes, she bought $300 perfume, but he's missing the point. Oh, really, he doesn't like it when she yells. How about this? She bangs the phone on the counter. Back on the phone, she says, "I have taken care of your demon spawn children for 12 hours. My shift is over." She hangs up, and looks out the window to see John helping Ana out of his car. As they mosey up the sidewalk, he asks if she's having fun at the restaurant, and she says she's having fun working with him. Gaby greets them at the door, and says she thought she was picking Ana up. Ana says John offered to give her a ride, and he adds that he appreciated the company. Gaby sends Ana inside to do her homework, and then asks John if he remembers homework: that thing high school kids have to do. He does remember; he thinks she used to help him with his. She asks what he's doing with Ana, and he swears he gives all his employees rides home. But when she asks about the busboys, he doesn't answer. Gaby tells him she will pick Ana up from now on.
Hospital. Susan's in Julie's room when Andrew comes in bearing flowers. Susan thinks it's so great that they've stayed close all this time. Andrew says they weren't so close when she was in medical school, but have been again ever since she quit. Susan's like, "The hell?" Only Susan could actually get mad at her comatose daughter. Andrew thought Susan knew she quit, since it was six months ago. Susan can't believe this, and Andrew whispers to Julie that she's so lucky she's in a coma right now. Susan wonders what Julie's been doing, and Andrew admits she was waiting tables until she figured out what she wanted to do. Susan's not thrilled about this either. She tells Andrew that she found out yesterday that Julie thought she was pregnant (how was that yesterday?), and now she learns her daughter the surgeon is actually a waitress. Susan asks Andrew about the guy Julie was seeing. He turns and tells Julie it would be an excellent time to wake up. Andrew says all he knows is that there was a guy, but he doesn't know his name. Susan asks why she wouldn't tell him that, and he says, "Because he's married." Lucky for Andrew, we go to commercial before Susan bites his head off.
Gaby comes in from checking the mail, where she finds Juanita and Celia sitting at the table, with condoms laid out in front of them. Juanita says, "Mints!" Gaby's horrified to see they're actually condoms, and then to learn the girls found a whole box of them under Ana's bed. Juanita wants one before dinner, but Gaby says they