Desperate Housewives

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DeAnn Welker: A- | Grade It Now!
A Family Affair
're balloons. Celia: "Yay!" Gaby says they're grown-up balloons, so Juanita wonders if Gaby and Carlos play with them. Gaby says that if they did, she and Juanita wouldn't be having this conversation. She takes the condoms and turns to leave. Upstairs, she storms into Ana's room and asks what these are. And says they're condoms, and smart-asses about when a boy and girl like each other... but Gaby cuts her off, saying the girls found them under her bed. Ana wants a lock on her door, but Gaby says that's not where the lock is going to go. Ana says this is none of Gaby's business, but Gaby says it sooooo is. Gaby asks if Ana's sleeping with John. Ana says, "Aunt Gaby, he's my boss." Gaby says Ana's acting sucks, so Ana admits that they haven't done anything yet, but she loves him. Gaby looks stunned, and then says she vomited in her mouth. Ana wonders what is it about John that makes her so crazy, since he was just her gardener. Gaby says she's not crazy and leaves -- but not before taking the condoms, which she says she promised the girls they could fill with water and drop off the roof.

Porter's getting into a car in his driveway when Angie asks if she can talk to him. He says he has to pick up Penny from school, so Angie pushes their trashcan behind the car. When he runs into it, she tells him this will just take a minute. He agrees, and she asks him to help her throw Danny a party since he doesn't have that many friends and the whole thing with Julie hasn't helped. Porter says he and Danny aren't actually that close and don't have much in common. Angie gets out money and starts thumbing it in front of Porter. He wonders if she's bribing him, but she says it's just money to pay for the party -- and he can keep any extra. Then she gives him more money to buy beer. Porter wonders if Lynette's hiding in the bushes to see if he takes the bait. Angie just wants Danny to have a good time, and asks Porter to please invite some cute girls. Porter: "Anything for my good friend Danny."

Bree's showing cake designs to an indecisive bride and groom. She points out they're getting married in two days so better find something they like. I find it unbelievable that Bree would work with people who aren't picking out a cake until two days before their wedding. I know it has to be this way for the storyline, but still: not very damn likely. The bride spots the cake she absolutely wants on a table nearby, picks it up, and shows it to Bree. Bree says it must be a new design by her partner Katherine, and is glad the couple loves it. Then the couple can't decide on flavors, but we are thankfully spared from having to watch more of that than the first rejection.

Carlos's office. A hunky young guy asks Carlos if he notices anything different about Lynette. They both look at her in the office compared with her photo from the Christmas party last year. Carlos: "Woah! Lynette got implants." Cute hunky guy agrees that's definitely the case, and he's impressed. Carlos asks him to wait a minute; isn't he gay? Cute hunky guy says Carlos can't ask him that, and Carlos says if he's not, he's going to have to punch him in the face for checking out his married friend. Cute hunky guy raises his voice several pitches and says, "So gay. JudyLizaBarbra gay. Proud member since '89." He leaves and Carlos looks at Lynette's boobs again.

Inside her office, Lynette's giving some numbers to Carlos, but he's pretty preoccupied staring at her chest. She asks what he's looking at, and he tells her he knows her little secret. She scoffs and says, "God, you know about the twins?" He says, "Yeah, well, I have eyes." Lynette tells him that this was not planned; Tom got her drunk and the next thing she knew... Carlos is like, "Aaaaaah, so Tom's responsible for all of this?" Lynette, still thinking he's talking about the babies, is like, "Who else?" Carlos tells Lynette she's such a good wife, and he wishes she would talk to Gaby and get her to jump on the bandwagon. Lynette wonders if Gaby doesn't already have her hands full with the two she's get. Carlos rolls his eyes and says they're okay, but he thinks they could do better. Lynette: "What?!" Carlos says Gaby really looks up to Lynette, and if she knew she got a boob job, she might consider it. Lynette finally gets it, and is all, "Oooooh." Carlos asks Lynette to give Gaby the name of her doctor, who did great work. She says she will. Then, in case this scene wasn't already awesome enough, Carlos adds: "By the way, let this be a lesson to you: Don't try to hide things from me. I'm a little too sharp for that." He leaves and Lynette's all, "Riiiiiight." Commercials, including that "Another Desperate Housewife" mini-movie in which Sprint phones are being used to cover up an affair. That's an advertising campaign to be proud of.

Delfinos. Mike comes home and hollers for Susan, who says she's "Here." He tells her he got called on a job as he walks toward her voice. When he finds her, she's in Julie's room, where everything's strewn all over the room. He asks what happened here, and she says she "came across" Julie's journal. And by "came across," she of course means while tearing Julie's room from top to bottom. Susan says that Julie never says the name of the married man she's been seeing; she just calls him by the initial "D." She wonders why Julie would use a code in her own journal, and Mike says, "Oh, because she's afraid her mom might 'come across' it?" Susan acknowledges she's invading Julie's privacy, but this is an emergency, because she thinks "D" is the sick bastard who attacked her. Mike massages Susan as she says reading this journal is like reading something written by a stranger: She dropped out of med school, waits tables, has an affair with a married man. Yeah, Susan, we got it when Andrew told us earlier. Why does the show want to tell us everything twice tonight? Susan wonders what's going on with Julie as the home phone rings. Mike hangs up and tells her she can ask Julie herself, because she's awake. Susan looks less excited than she might have, say, yesterday.

At the hospital, the doctor tells Susan that Julie remembers nothing about being attacked, and she's very tired and needs rest (not that I'm on Susan's side or anything, but hasn't she been sleeping for at least a few days? How much more rest could she need?), so Susan should just sit with her and not ask her any questions. Susan says "Of course," but what she means is, "I'll find a way to ask her without asking questions, because this is all about me." In Julie's room, Susan tells her how good it is to see her awake. Susan asks how Julie's feeling, but then remembers the doctor said no questions, so she's just going to sit and look at her. Julie thanks her and says she's really tired. Susan tells her just to sleep, baby, but when Julie tries, Susan tells her, "Just so you know: You're not pregnant." Julie's awake now, wondering why Susan knows anything about that. She's pissed Lynette told her. Susan apologizes for upsetting Julie, and tells her to just ignore her and sleep. When Julie tries again to sleep, Susan whispers that she can tell Julie's boyfriend she's better if she wants. Julie's like, "My boyfriend?" Susan says that she assumed she had one based on her thinking she's pregnant, so she thought she'd call him ... "unless you think he strangled you because he's married." Julie says she doesn't want to talk about this now, and Susan says they won't then. Yeah, we'll all believe that when we see it. Julie wonders how she can rest when Susan comes in here with all these questions, but Susan asks if she's asked her a single question. Other than that one. Julie asks Susan to go, and she only protests a little before obliging. Julie sighs heavily as Susan leaves.

Bree's on the phone with Karl, telling him she misses him too. Then she's like, "A peach nightgown. Why?" She tells him they aren't doing this on the phone again, and if he can't sleep, he should take a pill. It's hilarious that Bree thinks a pill is a more n

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Desperate Housewives




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