Desperate Housewives

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A Family Affair
atural way for him to fall asleep than masturbation. She gets up to close her curtains, and sees Katherine lurking in Mike and Susan's bushes, peeking in the windows. Next morning, Bree arrives in the test kitchen and tells Katherine they really need to talk. Katherine cheerily chirps about work she's already done this morning, but Bree tells her she saw her at Mike and Susan's last night. Katherine, indignant: "You were spying on me?" Bree: "I am not the spy in this story." Katherine wonders if Bree wants to know what she saw. Bree tries to say no, but Katherine says Susan went to bed early and Mike watched a ballgame; does that sound like a marriage? Bree says it sounds exactly like one. And, yeah, I have to agree. But Katherine says it was really nice to watch the ballgame with Mike. She fondles a melon as she says this, which makes it all the more insane. Bree: "Through a window. Katherine, you are losing your grip here." She says Mike loves Susan and isn't coming back to Katherine, and she needs to get some help. Katherine says Bree can't stand to see her happy, because she knows that once Mike comes back, Katherine won't have time to do all of Bree's work for her. She says she's tired of carrying Bree, so Bree says that will stop now, since she's putting Katherine on sick leave for three weeks, effective immediately. Katherine says she's not sick, but Bree says she really is.

Lynette's office. Carlos tells her she has some admirers out there. He says he heard someone say, "Check out the rack on that one" as he walked by. And, seriously, props to the costume people because I have no idea how they made Felicity Huffman's boobs look not only big, but like they have actual cleavage. Lynette's flattered, and wonders if she can do the honors and call security. Carlos won't let her, though, because those people admiring her rack are potential big clients with a $200,000 pension fund Carlos would like to control. He suggests they take them to dinner and let them admire "the girls" up close and personal, and then close the deal. Lynette wonders if they'll leave the money on the dresser, and Carlos laughs, surprised she'd be mad since she got the implants. He wonders why she would get them if she doesn't want people to look, and she's like, "I guess I wouldn't have," and agrees to the dinner. Carlos tells her to buy herself a new dress on the company. He hands her a credit card, and she says, "A man just gave me a credit card because of my boobs. That makes me feel like less of a hooker."

John's restaurant. Gaby enters and John asks what's up. She says, if Ana has her way, her skirt. John plays dumb, but Gaby's way onto him. He thinks her crush is sweet, and admits that he was only flirting with Ana to see if Gaby still cares, and he thinks she obviously does. Gaby says she doesn't, so he wonders why she'd forbid him to drive Ana home if she wasn't jealous. She says it's because she remembers what he could accomplish in a parked car. He says he thinks about those days a lot: how he was just a kid and had to mow lawns for a living. He couldn't offer her anything but sex, but now he has a lot of money to offer her. He says she's stuck in a house with two kids and a husband who's never home, and when he saw her with macaroni and cheese on her blouse, he thought what a shame, that this gorgeous woman should be sipping champagne on a yacht. She asks: "What? So you're going to rescue me?" He asks her to tell him she's not unhappy. She says she's not, but she blinks a lot, so he doesn't really buy it. He kisses her, and she doesn't resist and might even be kissing him back, but then Ana bursts in. Ana leaves and Gaby breaks free of John and chases after her.

After commercial, Gaby arrives home. She enters and hollers for Carlos, but Ana says he's not home yet. Weird that Ana is home, though, since she was reliant on someone else for a ride, isn't it? Ana says Gaby knew she like John and wonders how she could do this. Gaby says what Ana saw wasn't what she thought. Ana: "Oh, did you slip, and your tongue accidentally slipped into John's mouth?" Gaby says she didn't kiss John; he kissed her. And no tongues were involved. Ana says they each have a version of the story, and they'll see which one Carlos believes. Gaby admits to Ana that ten years ago, she and John had an affair. She says Carlos knows about it, and a lot of people got hurt, but they moved past it. She says she has no feelings for John, but today she found out he still has feelings for her. Ana gets up and goes to Gaby's album. She pulls out the mall photo strip of John and Gaby, and says she now understands why she saw Gaby staring at that the other day. Gaby admits she was staring at a memory, and she does sometimes wonder what might have been when she's having a rough day, but she would never go back. As Carlos pulls up, Gaby pleads with Ana, saying she loves Carlos and please don't do anything that's going to get him upset. He comes in and greets them both, saying he finally got home early. He and Gaby hug and kiss, then he asks Ana what's new. She says she was just telling Aunt Gaby ... that she wants to quit her job. Gaby looks relieved, and Ana looks more than a little heartbroken. Awww. Who would have thought she'd end up a little likeable?

Bolens. Danny comes into his mom's room and shows him the new shirt he found on his bed. She smiles and asks if he likes it. She got it for him for the party, because she wants him to look good. He says she didn't have to, but she says it made her feel less guilty about buying this new shirt for herself. She takes off her shirt to try it on, and he looks at the scar on her back. He asks if she's ever going to get "that thing" taken care of. She says she doesn't even see it anymore. He tells her they can get rid of those these days, but she says that costs money and he knows they have to be careful about money. He says he doesn't see Dad being careful, since he just bought new golf clubs. She tells him she was in bad shape after the explosion, and Nick took good care of her and hung in there. She says he's a good man, and Danny shouldn't forget that. Danny says he's going to make a lot of money one day, and get the scar fixed. She hugs him, and he says whatever happens, he's going to take care of her. She looks worried. Or possibly creeped out at the realization that her son is in love with her? Or is that just me?

Lynette arrives at dinner, where Carlos greets her and asks what the "fantastic" dress cost. She says her dignity, and he says it was worth every penny. Nice, Carlos. He asks her to check her jacket. She tries to keep it, but he tells her to lose it, just for one night. She does, and as she walks toward her table, she realizes all the men in the place are checking her out.

Danny's party. He's mingling with Porter when he notices his dad across the room talking to some young girls. He walks over, and Nick tries to act like they're best buds, all, "And there he is now. Hey, I was just telling these..." But Danny just asks if he can talk to his dad for a sec. They go in another room, and Danny reprimands him for hanging out with a couple 20-year-old girls when there are a lot of other people here. Nick says he's just saying hello, and Danny asks him not to. Nick says he's been getting a vibe from Danny that he doesn't think he deserves. Danny says he does deserve it, because Danny knows. Nick: "You know what, son?" Danny just glares, and then Nick gets serious, suddenly realizing what it is Danny knows. Angie walks in and asks Nick if he has to crash every party in the world. She takes him out of the party, so Danny can have fun.

Scavos. Lynette comes in and tells Tom, "Hooker's home." He laughs and asks how it went. She says it was bizarre how from the moment she walked in, she got smiles, winks, men pulling out her chair and filling her water glass. She says the clients were putty in her hand and signed the deal on the spot. He congratulates her, and she wonders why men are so obsessed with boobs. He doesn't know what to say, but some guys are just breast men. Lynette: "Some guys?"

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Desperate Housewives

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