Our Lady of Perpetual Wealth. Lynette visits the school nurse and not-so-subtly tries to find out if her kids are the lousy culprits. The nurse finally admits that Itchy and Scratchy didn't start it. Another kid was "patient zero," and has actually had lice four times. And Lynette should be happy with that knowledge and Just Walk Away. But she doesn't. She HAS to pry because, come on, how else is she going to make another mother feel like crap? In fact, this is how she justifies herself: "Acting like parents won't assign blame is like pretending they don't keep score at Pee-Wee League games. It's human nature." My mother is fast becoming a theme in this recap, but I guess it's only natural, so here I go again. My mother didn't keep track of scores at Pee-Wee League games. I mean, it could have been because I wasn't any good at T-Ball or soccer or softball or basketball. But my sister was pretty good, and my mother didn't keep track of her scores either. My mother didn't even keep track of the one sport I was good at: tennis. She came to my matches, she cheered me on, but she didn't make a point of noting if and when I did better than my friends just so that she could lord it over their parents. I guess my point is, I'm so sick of Lynette making these "insightful" and "honest" speeches and acting like she's Everymother. Because she sure as hell isn't mine. Lynette explains to the nurse that if the moms don't have someone to blame, they'll pick a scapegoat, and she can't let her boys be the scapegoat. The nurse asks her not to put her in such a position. Lynette doesn't back down. She doesn't care about the nurse's situation. She only cares about her situation. She begs. She pleads. She whines that Itchy and Scratchy were uninvited to Topher Measlebag's birthday party. As soon as it registers with the nurse whose party Lynette is ranting about, she tells Lynette to take a seat. Apparently, Topher Measlebag is the one with all the lice.