Desperate Housewives
The Ladies Who Lunch

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If It's Brown, Flush It Down

Gabby goes for a jog in the neighborhood. I don't know if I'd want to get myself all sweaty if my only hope for a shower was in a neighbor's sink. Gabby slows down by a construction site and hones in on a Port-a-Potty. Okay, nice idea, but if it's at a construction site, I'm thinking it might be nearing capacity if you know what I mean and I think you do. Gabby hides behind a really nice toolbox until the crew drives off. I know I'm not the regular recapper here, but I'm not entirely convinced that a construction crew would just leave expensive tools on an empty site. Tiny Gabby pushes the used Port-a-Potty off the site and down the street.

At home, Gabrielle dramatically whips a sheet off the temp toilet in front of Carlos. Heh. Several things went through my mind here: One: She's going to have to wash that sheet in the Jacuzzi now. Two: She certainly picked up a thing or two at all those auto shows. Three: Now there's a woman -- she brings home the fried chicken AND the pot to put it in! Carlos embraces her in front of the biffy and tells her that stuff like the Port-a-Potty is why he loves her. Damn straight it is. Gabby may be whiny, but what have you done lately, Carlos? In response, Carlos takes his paper and disappears behind the big blue door. Gabby pats the door and looks pleased with herself.

Prison for Suburban Housewhores. KimberBree earnestly asks Maisy to remove Rex's name from her little black book Now, even if Maisy agreed, which she won't, how exactly would she do that? She's in prison and I assume she doesn't have the little black book on her because she would have traded it for smokes. (I don't watch many prison movies.) And if it was seized by the D.A., it's not likely he's going to hand Maisy the bluelines to proofread for him. (I work in publishing.) "That's a really big favor," Maisy says, crossing her arms, "Those muffins better be really good." Whatever, wench, they're better than your muffins. Or so I've been told. KimberBree adds that she has some money she can float Maisy's way if Maisy will... KimberBree pauses. Maisy finishes for her, "Keep my mouth shut?" Yeah, and for the first time. Maisy suddenly adopts a Southern accent as she says, "Gosh, Ah don' know." KimberBree begs some more, but Maisy is not biting. Well, she's not biting now. KimberBree pleads that they used to be friends. "Where were yew when Harold lost his jahb a year ago? Did you stop bah to see if there wuz ennythang yew culd dew? Didja bring a big bahsket of baked goods when yew knew we culdn't even pay ahr bills?" KimberBree looks a bit ashamed but earnestly insists that she didn't mention it because she thought it would have embarrassed Maisy. Maisy says the embarrassment would have been better than the silence. She's not wrong. KimberBree finally says, "I have fourteen thousand dollars in that account -- it can all be yours." Maisy's not interested. KimberBree stares at her for a moment, and then purses her lips and stands up. Maisy adds, "But you do get credit for one thing -- you came to visit me. Even if it was for an ulterior motive. None of the other girls from the club even bothered. I've been a-bahn-dined!" Maisy accompanies that last word with a bit of sarcastic Southern vapor fluttering. "I guess that's what happens when you become the town whore," Maisy concludes. Well, considering you've been sleeping with their husbands, yes. "Oh, sweetie," KimberBree says with saccharine acidness and I sit up, eager for the smackdown or the wig ripping because I'll take either. "They didn't abandon you because you're a whore. They abandoned you because you weren't all that nice to begin with." KimberBree stamps primly away, pauses, turns around, stamps primly back, and snatches up the basket of muffins. SHE'S BACK! HOT GIRL'S BACK!!

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Desperate Housewives

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