So now Lynette's frantically calling all these chair rental places, only they're all booked because it's "Bar Mitzvah season," whatever that means. Aren't Bar Mitzvahs based on birthdays? In which case, they should be pretty evenly distributed throughout the year, right? The chair place has a measly five chairs available, and Lynette pounces on them.
Carlos knocks on Gabby's door and she answers, still looking well hung-over. He's there to find out why, exactly, he spotted Zana leaving Gabby's earlier that morning. Gabby tries to pretend that Zana just stopped by to drop off a belated birthday card. But then Carlos goes in for the zing: "Why was [Zana] in your driveway at 7 this morning, in his underwear?" Gabby crumples to the floor and confesses that she and Zana had sex: "At least that's what he told me." As she's tearfully explaining about her drunken sex, Lynette comes tumbling out of the house, carrying a chair, and the incongruity of the moment is a nice touch. Gabby grabs Carlos by the collar and begs him to help her with Zana, who now thinks he's her beau. So much for Gabby's independent streak. Carlos, turning to leave: "God, I can't believe you bagged another neighborhood kid." Gabby, in a high-pitched screech: "Where are you going?" Carlos: "To go warn the Scavo boys." Pow!
Orson is awake and sitting up in his hospital bed. His face is even more hilarious than before. Was there an angry cougar hiding in that three that he hit during his tumble? Because, really, his face is an insane mask of cat-scratch fever. The makeup department has apparently gone completely bananas. Yet again. Orson's doctor is questioning him about his mental state, based on the suicide-y looking fall Orson just had, along with (the doctor consults Orson's file) his history of mental illness. Incidentally, there's a huge cross nailed to the wall behind Orson. Is this some kind of churchy hospital? When the doctor makes it clear that Orson isn't checking out of the hospital until he shares about his mental problems, Orson spills his story: when he was sixteen, his father had an affair, which caused a "scandal" at the family church. Father fell into a booze-soaked depression, and Gloria became worried about his safety. So when she left the house one night to go "visit a sick friend," she told Orson to watch over his father. Only Orson had "made plans with friends," so young Orson left his dad alone. When he returned, he found his father dead in the bathtub, his wrists slashed. Doctor: "And you blame yourself?" Orson, with a rueful smile: "I didn't need to. Mother blamed me enough for both of us." The doctor suggests that Gloria's guilt trip must have really "put a strain on the relationship." Orson: "Yes, but now and then she suggests little ways I can make it up to her." And the creepy "Murderous Manipulative Mommy" music swells.