Desperate Housewives
The Little Things You Do Together (2)

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The Little Things You Do Together (2)

After being treated to two eyefuls of Zana penis, Carlos zips up and hightails it out of there, taking his findings directly to Gabby: "I don't care how drunk you were. If you had sex with him, you'd remember." And then, just to be clear, Carlos pokes one of the authentic Italian sausages hanging from the ceiling for emphasis. Hmm, I'm not entirely sure how well that logic holds up, Carlos. For one thing, many penises look huge when flaccid (and I'm just assuming, and praying, that Zana's penis was flaccid in the Scavoria men's room) and yet don't look all that impressive come the besexing hour. And even if Zana is actually hung like an...Italian sausage, people still do crazy things in the midst of blackouts without remembering a thing, so it doesn't necessarily follow that sex with Big Zana is by definition memorable regardless of the rate of alcohol consumption. Though, ew, do you think Carlos means Gabby's vagina would remember it? Oh. Well then...moving right along.

Gloria arrives at the Hodges' bearing barbiturate-laced soup, and has no trouble at all talking Danielle into serving the soup up to her mom ("You wanna score some points [with Bree]? Don't say I brought it? Tell her you made it yourself!" Gloria says maniacally). Remember the days when the writers on this show at least made an effort to explain how people got hold of their prescriptions for sedatives? But now it's just "Hey Orson, drink this bourbon laced with downers and Viagra," and "Tom, pop this an Ambien," and "Bree, can I interest you in our Secobarbital Soup special?" Gloria just as handily talks Danielle into leaving Gloria in charge of Bree as the slutty young thing races off to embrace her irresponsibilities down at the Scavoria. As Danielle's getting into her car, Alma -- who's managed to break free of her attic prison and is now perched precariously on her roof -- calls out to Danielle. But Danielle's so busy checking herself out in her compact mirror (you mean she knows her hair looks like that?) that she completely misses Alma's slipping off the roof and plummeting to her death. Since when did Fairview become Fairview Falls? You know, if I lived there, I think I'd look into buying a nice, safe one-story ranch house, thanks.

Down at the Penis Parade, Tom thrills to Lynette that there's a "line out the door," but she receives the good news with a decided frostiness, vis-à-vis Chairgate. Equally chilly: Susan's reaction to Mike when they bump into each other, vis-à-vis her overhearing him confess to being involved in Orson's fall. To her credit, Susan comes right out with it and tells him what she heard, but he's unwilling to chat about it right then and there because the matter is "complicated." Susan, coolly: "It always is with you." It's a good line, but coming from the most complicated woman on the planet, it comes off as self-delusionally smug rather than mature.

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Desperate Housewives

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