Orson confesses the whole story to Bree. He never loved Alma, but his mother wanted them together, and he was "stupid enough to get her pregnant." They got married and Alma miscarried the baby soon thereafter, but still he stuck with her for his mother's sake. In other words, Orson is a total mama's boy. Yet again. Orson: "So I resigned myself to a life without love. Then I met Monique. It was wrong, I didn't care. I loved her more than I loved anyone. Until you." The "you" being Bree, not you the viewing audience. Sorry, people! Bree's heart melts, especially when he confesses that the whole reason he was afraid to tell Bree about his cheating on Alma was how betrayed she was over Rex cheating on her. Which, if this is a lie (which a good 60 percent of me still thinks it is), then it's a pretty good one.

Trapped Susan, meanwhile, is pacing in her hiding closet and looking frantic. I'm guessing Ian's parents are showing up at her house just about now? But then she notices a box high up on a shelf marked "Orson's Spare Room." It's labeled by hand, not done with a P-touch, so Bree didn't label it. And since he probably wouldn't refer to himself in the third person, either Alma did the labeling, or maybe Gloria. I know this episode is called "The Miracle Song," but "The Secret Meaning of Cardboard Boxes" would have been a much more apt name for it. I know, I know: the title has to be the title of a Stephen Sondheim song, and Stephen Sondheim hasn't written any songs about cardboard boxes. Yet. Susan quietly eases the box down, and miracle of miracles, she doesn't fall or make a big noise or get naked or anything. Maybe "The Miracle Song" is a good title, after all! Inside she finds an eighth-grade report card for Orson, dated what looks like 1972. It's nothing but As and Bs. Then Susan finds a stack of letters addressed to Gloria from Orson. Return address? Elm Ridge Mental Hospital in Sagamore, CT. Next Susan finds a "ADMISSIONS FOR COMMITTED PATIENTS" form, dated 1981. And the reason for commitment is listed as "Psychological Depression," which just sounds so, so made up. I mean, isn't the "psychological" part implied on a mental patient's commitment form? That's like a general practitioner diagnosing you with "Physiological Herpes" or whatever. So, so dumb. FYI: Orson's birthday is listed as June 28, 1964, which makes him a Cancer. Really? Because all his persnickety cleaning habits totally stink of Virgo. And oh my god I've just fallen down a long, deep well of obsessiveness. It's so dark in here! And I'm so cold.