And yet...something about the way he's saying all this, or maybe just the fact that he is saying it, it gives me pause. Is it possible that he's making this all up just to exact his revenge on Lynette for what she did to him? I mean, clearly this is an obvious way to cause her a great deal of hardship. Then again, there's just no explaining that wall of be-bathing-suited boys.

Lynette backs away from him, slowly, like you would from a bear. Or like...from a dangerous sexual predator. Art says goodbye, and then he says: "You take care of that beee-you-tiful family." Eeeeee! He walks away, and Lynette stands there, frozen, looking very much like she's going to hurl. I know exactly how she feels. She turns to run home, but then her eye catches a lawn decoration (Art's?) of a lit-up Santa with four little choirboys singing, their mouths in perfect, horribly suggestive "O"s. Four little choirboys, four little Scavo children. Minus Kayla, of course, who I've pretty much lost all hope of seeing ever again.

Lynette scampers home, and behind her we see Gloria come out of Bree's house, and this launches the MAVO wrap-up: "There is a reason people can't wait for Christmas, and it has little to do with family reunions." The camera zooms in on Orson and Bree, standing together, looking out the window.

Edie's also staring out her front window, looking pensive and perhaps just a wee bit regretful. She also looks wildly cute in a pair of red men's pajamas. She's sipping a big mug of what MAVO tells us is "eggnog."

Susan stares out her window, and Ian comes over with mistletoe and they kiss.

Gabby stares out her window, and then Bill pops into frame and hands her a big poinsettia. The smile and hug. So I guess they're all in love now? Amy is, of course, nowhere in sight.

MAVO: "No, people look forward to Christmas because they know it's a time for miracles." Gloria walks down to the corner and a black car pulls up next to her. The window rolls down and...it's Alma! "Don't just stand there," she says to Gloria, "tell me everything." Alma's alive and she's totally in cahoots with Gloria? WHAT?

Up next: I have no idea! New episodes don't air until sometime in January, so you'll have to wait until 2007 to find out what happens next. Happy New Year, all you lovely Desperate fans! May the presents under your tree be exactly what you hoped they would be (versus, say, crabs, which no one wants down there, no not at all, especially not at Christmastime).