Desperate Housewives
The Miracle Song

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The Miracle Song

Back at Bree's. Susan advises Bree to go to the police with all her dirt on Orson. Bree sighs that she needs "some time to think" first. Bree walks Susan to the door, and together they walk out onto the stoop. Bree explains that she just can't get her mind around Orson doing such a terrible thing as murdering his wife and mistress. Susan, in a remark that's surely going to come back and bite her in the ass, says, "We all want to believe the best about the people we care about, but you cannot let your feelings for a man blind you to cold hard facts." Of course that's exactly when the police lead a cuffed Mike out of his house. Mrs. McGossip races over to dish that "they're saying on the news" that Mike killed Monique. Bree cries out, "Thank god!" and Susan shoots her a shocked look. The "Look Whose Shoe's On The Other Foot Now" music swells.

Gabby and Vern psych themselves up for a confrontation with Amy's dad, agreeing how they have to do "what's best for the business." So they're in business together now? Vern worries, Vern hesitates. Gabby promises to back him up, and then she shoves him into what appears to be a hotel conference room. Gabby: "Get in there, you spineless 'mo." In the background you can see the fuzzy outline of another poster for the Snowflake pageant, so I guess the pageant has taken over the whole hotel? But then! Amy's dad "Bill" turns around and get this, he's totally fine, like with a "PH," that's right...TOTALLY PHINE! Vern launches into their prepared spiel about how Amy is not quite up to the challenge, and Gabby immediately throws Vern under the bus, totally disavowing his attempts to give Amy the boot. Instead, she offers to come over on Friday night to give Amy private Snowflake lessons. 'Mo Vern rolls his eyes heavenward. And just like that, Gabby has unraveled all the personal-growth momentum she had going after the last two episodes. Whatever.

Mike, looking more animated than we've seen him all season (seriously, it's like someone finally found the on switch), is behind bars, dictating a to-do list to Edie. First of all, he needs her to lend him money to hire a lawyer. Second, she needs to sic this lawyer on the whole wrench issue; apparently the fuzz tested it and it shows traces of Monique's blood. Edie stares at him in shock. He asks her what's wrong. And? She dumps him! Playing like it's been building for a long time: "I wanted to tell you this weeks ago, and I wish I had, because now you're going to think that I'm breaking up with you because of this whole 'blood on the ax' thing." Mike: "Wrench." Edie: "Whatever." In short: Edie thinks they should see other people. Mike, bemused: "You're telling me this on the day I'm put in a man's prison?" (I pretty sure he means "men's prison" here, unless he's getting literary on our asses, referring to himself as like a walking prison of one or something, like he's his own worst trap?) Edie: "Well, I said the timing was bad." While I applaud Edie for being the one sensible woman on Wisteria Lane, I also feel kind of sorry for her, because I still totally believe that she's in love with Mike, and I think she's going to hate herself later for her inability to stick by him. Though I guess she's probably better off. Edie deserves much better than an Eeyore like Mike. Also, Mike doesn't really look all that cut up about the breakup, either.

Later that day. Susan pays Mike a visit. She asks him if Edie's lined up a lawyer for him. Mike snorts and tells her that Edie dumped him. Susan: "Why?" Mike: "Well, I was arrested for murder." Susan: "Still, it's tacky." It isn't the funniest line, but Teri Hatcher manages to make something out of it. Even so, I'm surprised when Mike laughs. It's alive! The tin soldier is downright spry in this scene. I wonder: has Edie been keeping him drugged this whole time? Or something? Susan offers to help bail him out. Unfortunately his bail is set at one million dollars. Susan looks like she's been punched. Hey, here's an idea: Mike should get his bio-son the billionaire Zana to foot the bill! If Zana were still on the show, that is. Mike: "Aren't you going to ask?" Susan, confused: "What?" Mike: "Whether I killed that woman?" Susan: "I don't have to, I know you didn't." Mike confesses that even he has doubts about his innocence. They hold hands, and the "Susan Is Better Than Edie" music trills.

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Desperate Housewives

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