Swoosie Kurtz has moved on from Pushing Daisies and into a role as Susan's boss (the teacher she assists). When Susan finds out from a precocious student that there's an "evalee-ation" coming up, she invites Swoosie over for dinner and drinks. Swoosie thinks it's a date, and ends up kissing Susan. When Susan tells her friends (Lynette, Lee and Gaby) about it to find out if it was a friendly kiss, or something more, Gaby kisses Susan -- twice! -- to help her figure it out. The verdict: It was more than friendly. So, Susan tells Swoosie she's totally straight. Swoosie's skeptical, but eventually buys it and they decide to be friends. At least it looks like Susan's job's safe.
Speaking of jobs being safe, because Brad didn't get to tell anyone he'd fired Carlos before Maria killed him, Carlos gets promoted into Brad's job: president of ... something. He replaces himself with his ex-girlfriend/former roommate, Lucy. Gaby's not at all threatened when she meets Lucy, because she's overweight. But then Carlos tells Gaby how sexy her confidence is, and Gaby feels threatened. Lynette -- who came to Gaby for help getting a job -- accepts a job with Carlos' company, which it turns out Gaby only helped her get so she could spy on Lucy. They've both used each other, but agree that they'll stay friends and continue with the using. What are friends for, after all?
Orson's friends are apparently only good for stealing things from. Bree finds his stash of stolen goods, and forbids him from visiting any of their friends ever again. She returns all of the stolen stuff, then catches him coming out of Bob and Lee's with a mug. She takes him to counseling, where the therapist suggests it be for couples, but Bree walks out, saying Orson's the one who needs help, not her. Orson gleefully tells the therapist that this is something Bree can't control, and he's loving it. He might want to watch out, though, since one thing Bree would be able to control is divorcing his thieving ass.
Finally, Edie starts investigating Creepy Dave, and finds out from old newspaper obituaries that not only did he have a wife who died, but a daughter who died in the same accident. As he's preparing for his camping trip with Mike and Katherine (who tried to bow out, but Creepy Dave buttered her up by telling her how much she's changed Mike's life -- as if he's known Mike longer than Katherine), Edie asks him if he's ever wanted a daughter. He tells her a sad story about his "friend," who lost a daughter and can't get over it, so he thinks he doesn't want one. Edie tells him she's sad for his friend. Then she tells him to be safe as he leaves for camping. As the episode ends, he, Mike, and Katherine are driving off to the woods. Meanwhile, the newspaper guys have dug up another article on Lila and Paige Dash -- about Mike not being charged in their deaths. They are going to fax it to Edie, but not until the next day since she's such a handful. Uh-oh, cranky newspaper guys. Don't wait on this: Lives are at stake.
Next week: Secrets are discovered, and a housewife dies. I wonder who it might be. If only there had been some news announcing that one of the actresses was planning to leave the show.
Previously: Creepy Dave told Edie he had been married before. He invited Katherine and Mike on a camping/murder trip. Lynette wanted to go back to work. Carlos got fired after he and Gaby took a stand against his boss' cheating. But then the cheated-on wife killed the boss. Yikes! (Oh, and thanks to LTG for the awesome weecap, but y'all are stuck with me again. Or, rather, I'm stuck with this show.)
Carlos and Gaby are going to the funeral. Mary Alice tells us why Gaby hates going to funerals: Black isn't her color. Crying depresses her. And lilies make her sneeze. And she despises any event where she's not the center of attention. At Brad's funeral, this isn't a problem, though. As she's looking at Brad's closed casket, a lady named Jody asks Gaby for all the gory details, since they all heard Gaby was there when he was killed. Gaby doesn't think this is the time, so Jody says she'll see her at the wake. Gaby storms off and tells Carlos she'd like to leave now, please. He tells her this is a funeral and they need to put on a good face for his co-workers. She reminds him he was fired, but he says they don't know yet if Brad told anyone about the firing before Maria killed him. Just then, the company's CEO comes up and Carlos introduces him. The CEO knows this is an awkward time, but he needs to talk to Carlos. Brad had called him right before he died to discuss Carlos's job performance. He left a message, but the CEO knows what that means, what with the huge bonus Brad gave Carlos so recently: He wanted to promote him. The irony: The job Carlos will be bumped into is Brad's. Carlos is being promoted to president of the company. CEO can't think of anyone better suited. Gaby accepts the job for him, and then Carlos says he's honored. CEO leaves and Gaby is elated that Brad's compensation package that will now be all theirs. They're rich again. Carlos tells her they're at a funeral, so please stop smiling. Mary Alice continues that Gaby hates funerals, mostly because she can't pretend to be sad when she's not. Her huge smile gives that away.
After the opening, Mary Alice tells us that we can find people with agendas on any sidewalk in any city. She goes through a bunch of people we don't know: a woman who wants to borrow money from a friend, a guy taking his boss to lunch to get a corner office, a girl looking after her uncle so she will end up in the will. Mary Alice says you can find these people with agendas almost anywhere, and they're always trying to keep said agendas hidden. We focus on Edie, who's walking into a newspaper called "Mount Pleasant Gazette." She approaches the old guy at the counter and tells him she needs to look someone up in their archives. She pretends it's a smooth-talking client. She says his name is David Dash. The guy says all he has are the obituaries, and he pulls out a fat three-ring binder. Um, hello, Mount Pleasant Gazette? 1950 called. It wants its archiving system back. I work at a newspaper, and have worked at several others and I can tell you that no newspaper keeps a three-ring binder of its obituary archives. That's just craziness, even for an old guy in a plaid shirt and sweater. He also tells her that anything beyond this magical three-ring binder of obits would take him a couple of days. Or, you know, a couple minutes searching computerized archives for the word "Dash." Sheesh.