Desperate Housewives

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DeAnn Welker: B | Grade It Now!
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Lying Liars Who Lie

Susan's playing kooky music and telling a room full of kindergarten types to listen to the music and see what pops into their heads: what shape, what colors. Swoosie Kurtz comes in and wonders why the kids are drawing with crayons instead of making clay vases. Susan tells her she wanted to try an imagination exercise. Swoosie thinks it's a lot of scribbling, and that since parents pay $22,000 a year, they need to give the parents artwork to put on their desks that they can smile at while they write those tuition checks. She picks up a picture and tells Susan that no one will find this meaningless chicken scratch adorable. The girl whose picture it is looks sad, and so Swoosie's all, "Not yours, Mia." Susan reminds Swoosie that she said she could plan the lesson today. Swoosie's all, "Fine, but you know where I stand," and leaves. The little girl who drew the chicken scratch asks Miss Susan what an "eval-ee-ation" is and then tells Susan she heard the principal and Swoosie talking and Susan's getting one. And Mia remembers last time the teacher's assistant she liked argued with Swoosie: She didn't last long. Susan quickly tells the kids to starts on clay vases.

Orson comes home to find Bree sitting at the table, which is filled with all of his stolen goods. She tells him to sit, and demands to know what's going on. She says that when he stole the tape recorder, he said it was a one-time thing -- an impulsive act of revenge. He says it was (except that was at least the third time), but then it started giving him a thrill. Bree can't believe that stealing a ceramic duck would give him a thrill. And, seriously, I want to know where he hid that ceramic duck, because it's not small. It's larger even than last week's salt shaker from Scavo's, which barely qualified as pocket-sized. Bree wants him to talk to a professional, but Orson says a psychiatrist isn't necessary because he's not crazy. He says he'll stop, apologize to everyone, and return everything. She says he will not do that, because she forbids him from entering any of their friends' homes. She'll take care of getting everything back. She leaves the room, but returns to take her purse with her. She can't even trust him. This is the dumbest character "twist" this show has thrown us in awhile, and there are a lot of them.

Swoosie shows up at Susan's, where Susan exposits that she's sorry she sprung this on her last minute, but is glad she could make it. Swoosie's excited at the prospect of a home-cooked meal, but Susan tells her to keep looking because she ordered Chinese. Swoosie's okay with that. She says she was surprised to get Susan's invitation, but Susan tells her school is so formal, and she'd like to let loose and get to know each other. Swoosie takes off her coat to reveal a svelte figure in a nice green dress with a pretty gold necklace. Susan says she's a school marm who lets down her hair and "va-va-va-voom." Swoosie isn't insulted by the marm comment, but chooses to focus on the va-va-va-voom, which she's never gotten before. She tells Susan she also looks nice, but Susan hasn't even changed because Mike was late picking up MJ even though he lives across the street. Swoosie thinks living across the street from her ex is crazy. She clearly knows very little about Wisteria Lane. Susan tells her Mike shacked up with Susan's best friend, "and people wonder why I'm done with men." Susan toasts to getting to know each other better, and Swoosie will drink to that.

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Desperate Housewives

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