There are secrets all over Wisteria Lane this week, but the biggest one from a viewer perspective has to be what's up with Paul Young and his crazy new wife, Beth. He buys his old house, but doesn't plan to move into it, then offers to buy Mrs. McC's (but she's not selling). He doesn't share anything with Beth, even though he promises to stop keeping secrets -- which is really just an attempt to get sex. She one-ups him in the crazy department, though (and I'm guessing also in the secret department, though we don't know yet), when she chops bell peppers like she has a little too much knife-wielding experience.
Susan's still keeping her own secret, too: that she's HOT! And it's a well-kept secret since it's hard to see on a high-definition TV. Really, though, she's still making money for her oblivious husband by stripping on the internet. Until her company expands and starts plastering her face up all over town to advertise (as if they don't have anyone young and cute to use instead?). She has to pay the company $9,000 to keep the billboards from going up, so she agrees to take on more private, one-on-one webcam action. Which you just know is going to get totally creepy. Speaking of, a mystery man picks up one of her discarded billboards at the episode's end; maybe it's Paul.
Gaby and Carlos go through with meeting their biological daughter (Gaby's mini-me, Grace) and her parents. The families decide they'll all be friends, but Gaby starts butting in (of course), wanting to buy Grace nice things like she should have had. Grace's mom and then Carlos tell her to back off, so she gives Grace a nice necklace in the end and says it'll be their secret.
Meanwhile, Bree and Renee are in a full-out war over Hot Handyman, using grandchildren and little people as weapons. In the end, they sign a peace accord, though, and Bree gets to keep the booty. And Lynette's exhausted and busy, as any mother of five would be, so she starts leaving baby Paige with Penny. It works out so well she just keeps doing it, until the school has to tell her she's basically abusing her child -- even though Penny's doing it willingly. She apologizes tearfully to Penny and then tells Tom to get her a nanny so she can be a better mother.
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Mary Alice voices over that Carlos loved his wife more than anything. Flash through her being vain, selfish and spoiled, with Carlos still loving her. But, as they walk toward their biological daughter's parents, Carlos loves her a little bit more. Carlos tells Gaby everything's going to be fine, then a guy walks up and says he's Hector Sanchez. He takes them over to meet his wife, who's with their daughter, Grace. Hector suggests maybe they take a blood test, but as they walk up to Grace and her mom, Grace acts like a little brat about her clothes. Carlos: "I don't think we'll be needing that test." MAVO says he knew her DNA.
MAVO continues about all the stuff a purse can hold, and how every purse says something about the woman who owns it, whether she owns it or not. Carmen Sanchez glares at Gaby's fancy purse as the parents discuss visits with each other. The girls play until Grace runs up and asks for ice cream. Her mom says no, so Gaby overrules her. Then Grace asks how much the pretty purse cost, and Carmen tells her not to do that, but Gaby says it's okay. Then she tells Grace she can have one by working very hard or marrying a man who works hard. Carlos tells Carmen what a good mother she is, and Hector tries to make Gaby feel good about it by saying she's done a wonderful job with Juanita. Then Juanita comes up and yells at Gaby about ice cream money. Gaby yells back, and Juanita's a snot. Carmen reminds Gaby she was just talking about what a good mother she is.
At their apartment, Susan and Mike burn his truck loan, which is paid off. She hopes they can reach "flat broke" by Christmas. Maxine knocks on the door, and Susan freaks: "I'm in here with Mike! It's open!" Maxine comes in and says inappropriate stuff that drives Mike out of the room, then tells Susan she should quit the Internet burlesque business, since she's taken on some investors who want a huge U.S. presence. She tells Susan to get out now if she doesn't want people to see her. Susan asks how long, and Maxine thinks it's a couple weeks to a month. Susan plans to work right up until the last day, doing double shifts and extra shows. Maxine says okay, and tells Susan she'll miss the way she wears rubber gloves and fishnets. Well, that makes one of us.
Penny and Lynette arrive home with groceries and a screaming Paige. She stops crying, and then the phone rings. Lynette left her license at the store and will have to drag Paige back there, leading to more screaming. Penny asks Lynette to leave her with her, since she leaves her with the boys, who don't even change her diaper often enough. When Lynette gets back, Penny is playing with Paige on the floor after changing her diaper. Lynette asks Penny where she learned this, and Penny says she's watched Lynette. When Lynette realizes how good Penny is with her, she asks if she could take a shower. Penny says to go ahead and take a bath with scented candles. Lynette thinks Penny's mother must have done a great job.