The Gay One, for reasons that are completely unclear but most certainly damning, shows up with an axe and pretends to murder them. All in good fun.
Juanita: "Well, now I'm crazy for sure."
Gay One: "Or did I just freak your mom out so much that you realize there's nothing to be scared of?"
Juanita: "Oh, gotcha. Good one!"
Gay One: "Now I'm going to go home and [some gay crap that barely makes sense.]"
Juanita: "Gay people are hilarious."
Gabi's Molester: "Ironically, I am real and totally hanging out in your yard."
SCAVO FAMILY BLOODBATH
Tom & Lynette: "Our power struggle is filthy, but you kids are still expected to choose between us. We will now begin to intimate that the other parent's vacation plans will result in your death. This is how parenting works. Now, we're going to go upstairs and await your decision."
Gingers: "We need a lawyer who specializes in emancipation. I am more than willing to enter the system at this point."
Tom: "You've always had the power, no matter what our situation is. The whole time I was enjoying being a slacker and you were raising our thousand children and also providing for them, you made all the decisions..."
Lynette: "Because you are incompetent and childish and liked it that way."
Tom: "Nevertheless. Now, I am the Good Cop and our kids can finally hate you as much as I do."
Lynette: "I will do everything that I can to keep control of the lives of this family."
Tom: "That's just how women are. This is a totally valid storyline."
Gabi: "Go home, gay dude!"
Molester: "I am not the gay dude. This is the scariest thing that has ever happened on this show."
SCAVO ABATTOIR OF HOPE
Lynette: "Our stupid daughter thinks we're getting a divorce and that we're forcing her to choose between us."
Tom: "Both of those things are apparently true."
Lynette: "Still, how stupid."
Tom: "We have raised jerks for kids."
Lynette: "It is because we are jerks."
Tom: "I despise you."
Lynette: "I despise you more!"
Tom: "Let's never get a divorce."
Lynette: "Why on earth would we do that?"
Tom: "Because you're such a bitch."
Lynette: "I accept your apology."