Tom: "I am a fairly disgusting human being."
Lynette: "But I'm still worse."
DETECTIVE CHUCK VANCE
Detective Chuck Vance: "Is our date over?"
Bree: "The fun thing about my mind games is, you'll never know."
Detective Chuck Vance: "Then I'm picking up a hooker."
Bree: "Of course you are."
Hooker: "Detective Chuck Vance, I love being a total cliché with you."
Bree: "Detective Chuck Vance, what is going on here?"
Detective Chuck Vance: "In Fairview, condescending to sex workers is pretty much the same thing as feminism. So we're taking this young white woman with all her teeth to the Shelter."
Hooker: Pops her gum, has a sad story, just needs to have her life turned around by a well-meaning thirty-second conversation.
Hooker: "Hey, Rich Uptown Lady. Why don't you like Detective Chuck Vance?"
Bree: "Mostly because of shit like this. I think a bedbug just crawled out of your hair onto my mink stole."
Hooker: "I pretend to resent Detective Chuck Vance's well-meaning patronizing attitude, but really I'm just grateful for the attention. Never had a father, that's basically my entire personality. So I'm sayin', Detective Chuck Vance, let this one go! There's colder fish in the sea."
Bree, verbatim: "And what qualifies you to make such snap judgments about people you've just met?"
Hooker, awesomely: "Um, I'm a hooker? It's my entire job?"
Hooker, losing 100% of the goodwill she just earned with that last line: "Whenna ya gonna give up on me, mister? What I am now, that's alls I'm ever gonna be. Just a second-hand rose in a two-bit town. Just a floozy, a good-time gal. I ain't worth nothin'."
Detective Chuck Vance, changing tack: "You know who also used to be a whore?"
Hooker: "Andrew Van de Kamp?"
Detective Chuck Vance: "Yep. And Bree, too."
Hooker: "This high-fashion piece a uptown finery? Ya ladyship, is dat true?"
Bree: "Um, no?"
Detective Chuck Vance: "Bree, she needs to hear this. I must have hauled her ass in fifty times. Then one day, she said I'm better than this. She got herself to school. Before you knew it, she had a first class catering company. So don't try to tell me that you can't make a better life for yourself."
Hooker: "Yeah, catering doesn't really sound like my kind of thing? But thanks for the perspective."