Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
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Poisoning the Unwell

HEAVEN'S GATE

Susan: Wackily goes around taking away everybody's cookies and karate-chopping plates of cookies into the garbage and crawling around on tables for no reason.

Susan, just as Paul arrives with the cops: "Excuse me, everybody! I just wanted to take the podium and confess to poisoning everybody here!"
Cops: "That worked out well."
Susan: "Delfino, you've done it again."

"HEAVEN"

Mary Alice: "So that's how it works. Sometimes you cook poison for people, so stop caring for people. No matter how you've come to care about them, your compassion means you deserve to be in jail. Since divorce is a sin in the eyes of the Lord, you should just take all your hate for your spouse's behavior and learn to hate yourself. Push those feelings down, hardcore, for the sake of the rest of your family whose lives your hate is destroying. Whenever you're dating someone, always be looking for their faults and histories, so that you can't be accused of stupidity when they finally prove themselves unworthy of your love. And most of all, if you think there's a boogeyman on your lawn, chances are you're right. And he is most likely a goddamned Mexican."

Next week: Two-hour finale, which honestly just seems unnecessary.

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Desperate Housewives

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