Previously: Jackson wanted to elevate things with Susan, who didn't want to. Bree hired Orson as partner, because he pretty much forced her to. And Creepy Dave messed with Mrs. McCluskey's stuff to drive her into a rage at her surprise party, where she hit the cake with a bat.
Carlos is getting big tips at work because he gave Mrs. Hildebrandt (played by Frances Conroy) an orgasm. Gaby finds out, and wants them to end their professional relationship, but Mrs. H. says it was only the once, and that Carlos is one of her few friends. In fact, she wants to bring Carlos on a two-month trip to Europe, and she's even willing to bring Gaby and the kids along if Gaby will be her personal shopper at the major fashion houses. Carlos would get $50K a month, but for some reason Gaby's payment would be in dresses. Of course, Gaby is totally fine with that. Orgasms for everybody!
Lynette catches Tom with a dishy blonde, but it turns out she's just a real estate agent mom of one of Porter's friends, and she's showing Tom a rehearsal space for rent. Then, when Lynette sees the blonde realtor leaving said space in a hurry one night, she gets the totally wrong idea. If she'd hung around, she would have seen that Porter was the one hooking up with the realtor, and Tom was merely giving him a talking-to, not realizing who his mystery date was. Lynette packs a suitcase, oblivious to the reality... or to the fact that her recent attempts to seduce her own son via IM were probably partly to blame for this.
Susan hires a new painter for her house, and he apparently doubles as a therapist, because he tells her not to let Jackson go. She then heads to Jackson's with hot wings, only to find a girl he met at the club that night in his shower. He turns up at her place the next day to apologize, and Susan wishes they could start over, so he leaves and sets up a dinner date over the phone. Yes, it's just that easy!
Orson has not only scored an 80-person catering gig via an old college roommate, he has apparently gotten a hold of Katherine's to-do list, because he's done all of her kitchen tasks, leaving her feeling like a third wheel with no romantic prospects. So when Bree set Katherine up to prepare a "sample dinner" for Orson's old roommate, she thinks she's doing her a favor... until Orson reveals that he lied, and the guy was a former cellmate, as in prison. Too late to stop Katherine from bedding the convicted organ trafficker, Bree breaks the news to her the following morning, apologizing and asking Katherine not to move to Maryland, because they're like sisters. Katherine is distraught, but agrees to stick around -- heck, she even invites Mike over for some lemonade after his date goes bad.
Speaking of sisters, we meet Mrs. McCluskey's, a biker chick played by Lily Tomlin. After Mrs. McC tells Bree an overdose of new medication was to blame for her outburst and that she's all better, she turns around and asks her sis to use her cell phone company job to pull Creepy Dave's records. They'd better move quick, though, because Dave has revealed to Edie that he once had a drug-dealing brother who was killed in prison by a fellow inmate, and that the inmate was found innocent of the crime, served the remainder of his sentence and was released. Unless Orson had a rougher time in jail than we thought, or there's another ex-con on Wisteria Lane (hey, why not?), Dave seems to be gunning for bandmate Mike, and he's already set up an extra Saturday rehearsal...
Next week: Susan and Jackson skip ahead to the good stuff, and Lynette kicks some realtor ass.
Hi, all -- Zach here. I'm filling in for DeAnn this week, so please forgive me if I point out ridiculous things about this show that previous recappers have already made fun of to death. Since I started watching last season, I find myself enjoying this show more than I ever thought humanly possible, proving that some good television is universal, once you get by any preferences in subject matter. (This is not a show I would have even considered watching two years ago.) Let's get started!
Previously: Jackson wanted to elevate things with Susan, who didn't want to, so he asked her if seeing him with another woman would bother her. She said no. (Remember that.) Bree hired Orson as partner, because he pretty much forced her to, and Katherine looked upset. And Creepy Dave messed with snooping Mrs. McCluskey's stuff to drive her into a rage at her surprise birthday party, where she hit the cake with a bat. Which is too bad, because it looked pretty tasty. Of course, Dave brought it, so... cake-eater beware, I guess.
We see Carlos happily rubbing his hands together as Mary Alice voice-overs that, as a masseuse, Carlos is good at making his customers happy. We see his hands at work on happy ladies' shoulders, each of whom seem to be enjoying the relaxation aids Carlos has provided: one gets scented candles, another new-age music and a third apple Schnapps. Ironically, none of those are in play when he gives one of his clients, Virginia Hildebrandt, what appears to be a body-racking orgasm. We don't see her "O" face, or hear anything, but we can see from Carlos' face that he knows what's going on. Pulling the dirty, dirty sheets off of the massage table afterwards, he asks fellow masseur Clay if he's ever given a client aun petit mort. Despite having been a masseur for 14 years, Clay is incredulous, as he can't even give his girlfriend one, and he's really trying. Carlos says he just touched her back, and Clay points out that not everything is still where it's supposed to be on old broads. You know, because sometimes the genitals end up in the shoulder area. Clay checks Carlos' tip envelope, and find that it has $300 in it. Clay reveals that that's enough for two orgasms, but unless he's paying for his girlfriend to get them elsewhere, it doesn't sound like he has any reason to know what the going rate is. When Carlos gets home, Mary Alice VOs that he knows how to make women happy, and in order to keep his wife happy, he needs to lie. So when Gaby finds $300 in his envelope, he quips that he's "good at his job."