Hi, all -- Zach here. I'm filling in for DeAnn this week, so please forgive me if I point out ridiculous things about this show that previous recappers have already made fun of to death. Since I started watching last season, I find myself enjoying this show more than I ever thought humanly possible, proving that some good television is universal, once you get by any preferences in subject matter. (This is not a show I would have even considered watching two years ago.) Let's get started!
Previously: Jackson wanted to elevate things with Susan, who didn't want to, so he asked her if seeing him with another woman would bother her. She said no. (Remember that.) Bree hired Orson as partner, because he pretty much forced her to, and Katherine looked upset. And Creepy Dave messed with snooping Mrs. McCluskey's stuff to drive her into a rage at her surprise birthday party, where she hit the cake with a bat. Which is too bad, because it looked pretty tasty. Of course, Dave brought it, so... cake-eater beware, I guess.
We see Carlos happily rubbing his hands together as Mary Alice voice-overs that, as a masseuse, Carlos is good at making his customers happy. We see his hands at work on happy ladies' shoulders, each of whom seem to be enjoying the relaxation aids Carlos has provided: one gets scented candles, another new-age music and a third apple Schnapps. Ironically, none of those are in play when he gives one of his clients, Virginia Hildebrandt, what appears to be a body-racking orgasm. We don't see her "O" face, or hear anything, but we can see from Carlos' face that he knows what's going on. Pulling the dirty, dirty sheets off of the massage table afterwards, he asks fellow masseur Clay if he's ever given a client aun petit mort. Despite having been a masseur for 14 years, Clay is incredulous, as he can't even give his girlfriend one, and he's really trying. Carlos says he just touched her back, and Clay points out that not everything is still where it's supposed to be on old broads. You know, because sometimes the genitals end up in the shoulder area. Clay checks Carlos' tip envelope, and find that it has $300 in it. Clay reveals that that's enough for two orgasms, but unless he's paying for his girlfriend to get them elsewhere, it doesn't sound like he has any reason to know what the going rate is. When Carlos gets home, Mary Alice VOs that he knows how to make women happy, and in order to keep his wife happy, he needs to lie. So when Gaby finds $300 in his envelope, he quips that he's "good at his job."