Desperate Housewives
There's Something About a War

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There's Something About a War

Karl, his shirt off now, comments on the tightness of Edie's tethers. Edie: "Yeah? Well, it's not fun if it's not tight." Karl laughs a delighted laugh, and then Edie suggests whipped cream, and he cackles and tells her she's "so bad." Edie, slipping out the door: "You have no idea."

Downstairs, Edie grabs a can of whipped cream and piles it onto her plate of pie. MAVO: "Yes, Edie Britt understood the nature of war." Edie sits back down on the couch, still wearing her seduction outfit, and changes the TV back to her movie. Upstairs, Karl is no longer laughing. "Edie," he yells crabbily, "it's been ten minutes! Where's the damned whipped cream?" Downstairs, Edie smiles and shovels pie into her face. MAVO: "She also knew that to the victor go the spoils."

MAVO does some babbling about the upstairs room at the Applewrong house, which, apparently, has the very best view of Wisteria Lane. "But unfortunately," MAVO tells us, "for the room's newest guest, the view was about to change...dramatically." Matthew covers our fine, fine view of Wisteria Lane with a sheet of newspaper. Downstairs, Betty comes home to discover Caleb sitting at the foot of the stairs, hugging a pillow. Betty, peeved to find Caleb unshackled yet again, cranks at Matthew for letting him go. Matthew explains that Caleb is going to be staying upstairs now, that the windows have all been papered over (so no one will be able to see Caleb), and Caleb has been schooled about how the newspaper on the windows can't be disturbed. Betty yells that Caleb may understand what he can and can't do, but that'll only last "five minutes, then he forgets!" But...aren't newspapered windows suspicious as is? Especially in a neighborhood packed with busybodies and looky-loos? Matthew: "We can protect him without treating him like an animal!" Betty sternly clarifies that she's protecting Caleb. Matthew puts his foot down: "He is NOT going back downstairs!" Betty, quietly: "Since when do you talk to me like that?" Matthew: "Since I share in the risk." And like a tick, the ominous music swells!

Gabby and Carlos are at church. I'm liking the side part, Gabs -- so much better than the anemic Farrah you've been trying so hard to rock lo these past many weeks. The lady sitting on the pew in front of them has a baby over her shoulder, and Gabby and Carlos are both smiling and cooing at the baby. Carlos: "She's adorable, isn't she?" Gabby, catching herself enjoying the baby, straightens up and says curtly, "She's okay." Carlos: "Ours would be gorgeous..." "Babies, babies, babies," Gabby snaps at him, "you sound like a broken record." Gabby invokes the miscarriage, and tells Carlos she needs time before she'll be ready to try again. Carlos: "Any idea when you'll be ready, you know, ballpark?" Gabby advises him to "enjoy the here and now": yes, their "marriage is back on track, life is good." Uh oh. Gabby has just paved the way for some serious derailing, what with that fate-tempting comment. And here it comes! Father Crowley announces that Sister Mary Hotpants is back from her African sojourn. (Wow, that two-month trip of hers really went by in a flash.) SMH comes up to the pulpit and Gabby yells (in church!), "Son of a bitch!" The congregation turns to stare at Gabby, and Gabby turns around and shushes the cute old lady sitting behind her. Carlos, mortified by Gabby's attempt to blame the blasphemous outburst on someone else, looks away, all embarrassed. Gabby is totally going to hell.

Bree comes home and spies a backpack sitting at the foot of the stairs. Annoyed, Bree grabs the offending item and marches it up to Danielle's room. Come on, you remember Danielle? Bree's daughter? I know it's been awhile since you've seen her, which is odd, because it isn't like she got sent away to Camp Cognac or anything, she's just been...gone. Wait a second! How long has it been since we've spotted Danielle and Andrew in the same scene? Is it possible that Andrew and Danielle are in fact now the same person? Certainly the pattern is eerily similar: two episodes ago, Bree walked in on Andrew and Justin, and now the same exact thing happens with Danielle. Bree knocks on her daughter's door, and inside Danielle (who's down to just her bra) and Matthew scramble to get dressed. Danielle yells out to Bree that she's "doing homework," which Bree has a hard time believing seeing as she's holding all of Danielle's school books right there in the backpack. Danielle, her shirt now buttoned, opens her door and takes the backpack, explaining to Bree that she was "just doing a little research online." Matthew is nowhere in sight. Bree walks in and starts picking Danielle's clothes up off the ground. Danielle frantically tries to dissuade her. Bree: "Honey! Stop complaining. One day you'll wish that someone were offering to do your laundry." Bree goes to pick up a shirt that's crumpled at the foot of the bed and Matthew, who's hidden under the bed, makes a grab at the shirt. Bree, with uber-primness: "Danielle? Question: Is there a black man hiding under your bed?"

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