Desperate Housewives
They Asked Me Why I Believe In You

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They Asked Me Why I Believe In You

The guards bring a shackled Carlos into the prison visiting room. They undo his handcuffs, but Carlos remains standing with his arms still behind his back: he is less than happy to discover that Gabby has brought the Lecherous Lawyer Bradley along with her. Carlos crabbily asks what he's doing here, and the LLB tells Carlos that he has a "pitch" for him. Reluctantly, Carlos sits down, saying that at least it beats sitting in his cell. The LLB says that he senses Carlos's problem isn't with the LLB's lawyering; rather it's more "personal" in nature. Carlos tells him that he sensed right. The LLB clarifies the problem: "You want to know if I'm interested in sleeping with your wife." Gabby gives Carlos a steady look with a slight glimmer of "see how ridiculous you're being?" twinkling in her eyes. But then the LLB goes on: "And the answer is yes." Gabby looks totally astounded for a few beats, then she bursts into a very "Fran Drescher in The Nanny horse-whinny of a laugh. Gabby: "Carlos, he's kidding," she waves her hand at the LLB dismissively. And yet Carlos, he does not laugh. Gabby, whispering to the LLB: "Tell him you kidding." With his eyes never leaving the LLB's face, Carlos tells Gabby to "shut it." The LLB: "Now, clearly Gabrielle is willful, self-centered, and manipulative. She's also beautiful enough to be worth the trouble." Carlos takes this all in with his chin cocked in a very kingly, very all-knowing expression. The LLB goes on to say that the minute he leaves the jail, he's going to start pursuing Gabby with everything he's got. And when he succeeds, which he most surely will, he's going to fly Gabby to his chateau in France and feed her glorious foods. "We'll make love by the fire," he goes on, "and afterwards do a little midnight skiing. You ski," he turns to Gabby, "right?" Gabby just looks at him with her arms crossed and her mouth open in amazement. The LLB: "You're athletic, you'll learn" -- a comment that wins a solid "ha" from yours truly. The LLB, to Carlos: "Anyway. All of this only happens if you fire me. If you keep me on as your lawyer, your wife's off-limits. I'd get disbarred for sleeping with your wife, and nobody's worth that, not even her." With that, he leaves the room.

Gabby immediately starts apologizing, saying that clearly the LLB is insane. Carlos: "Oh, you just can't wait, can you?" Carlos tells her that the LLB is his lawyer now, and that there's nothing Gabby can do about it. Oh, well played, the LLB, well played. Though Carlos might want to have a little chat with some of the many previous wives whom the LLB has slept with without incurring any disbarment whatsoever.

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Desperate Housewives

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