Desperate Housewives
They Asked Me Why I Believe In You

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They Asked Me Why I Believe In You

Cut to Lynette doing shots of tequila with the boys at the bar, while "Boogie Shoes" somehow still plays (she must work very, very fast). And then suddenly Lynette's climbing up on the bar and just gyrating, gyrating, gyrating. Wooooooo! The Bar! Is! Open! And to think Lynette got mad at Tom when he complained that work was so hard and then later it turned out that he'd been out boozing it up in a sombrero. As we all know, and as Lynette's clearly learning tonight, sometimes work does actually involve a whole lot of sweating, drinking, and ass-shaking. It's a dirty, dirty job! Bossy, who's sittling alone back in the booth, sadly looks on as this little impromptu scene from Fame continues to unfold. Finally Lynette comes back over and collapses against Bossy, asking her why she isn't dancing. MAVO: [Something-savoring-victory-something]. The music changes, and Lynette trills to Bossy: "Ooh! I love this song! Here, hold my purse." Lynette's back to the dance floor, and Bossy stays behind, hugging Lynette's purse to her chest like it's a long-lost teddy bear.

Lynette, Edie, Gabby, and Susan are all standing around Rex's open grave. I know the original time for the reburial was Friday morning, but since Operation Boogie Shoes went down on Friday night, I suppose Bree rescheduled the ceremony? For Saturday morning? That would explain why Lynette's able to be there, in which case I'm not sure why she's wearing business attire, if this is indeed Saturday? Oh, details, details. Meanwhile, Edie is wearing a crazy plunging black dress with leopard trim, which looks particularly dynamic with the crutches and the pink leg cast. Marry me, Edie! Bree arrives, and Susan tells her they were just starting to get worried, regarding her lateness. Bree, with the demonic sprightliness of a cruise director, explains that she was just taking care of some last-minute details; she asks them all to follow her.

Together, the girls march toward Rex's new gravesite. Susan asks why Bree's changing Rex's eternal address. Bree: "Well, he did something to upset me, and I want him gone." Bree manically changes the subject to the graves they're speed-walking past, some of which date back to the 1800s, which Bree finds "just fascinating." Lynette: "Wait, you're going to have to explain. Rex is dead. What could he have done to upset you?" Bree stops marching and turns to face the Housewives. Already, her face looks more nuts and out of control that I ever remember seeing it. And this is just the beginning! Bree starts in with, "My husband -- the man I spent my life with for eighteen years -- died thinking that I'd murdered him." She goes on to say how the cardiologist shared this "Bree murdered Rex" theory with Rex, and that Rex actually believed the man. Bree quotes the note, actually saying "and I quote" as she does so. Bree, close to tears, asks in a small voice how it was that the man she spent eighteen years with didn't know her. Edie, ever practical: "Well, maybe he was forgiving you for something else." And this is when Bree really, really loses it. Her nostrils flare, her neck widens like a bull about to charge, and many, so many veins pop in her neck. It's a startling display of crazy, and no matter where I press pause during its delivery, I get a still shot that is truly, fundamentally, upside-down and inside-out B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Bree, yelling throatily and lustily: "I have done nothing to be forgiven for! I was a fantastic wife! When he was sick, I nursed him! When we were low on money, I stayed within a budget! I cooked his meals! I mended his clothes! For the love of god, I used to check his back for acne! And that miserable son of a bitch has the nerve to 'understand' and 'forgive' me? Well the joke's on him, because I do not understand and I do not forgive." She delivers this scene so violently that her hair finally springs loose from its tight mooring, and by the time she winds down to silence, she looks completely unhinged, like Cruella De Vil, only angrier. Two yard guys have stopped their raking to watch the show, and Susan, in a birdlike voice, tells them "hi" and explains haltingly that they're "just...going to a funeral."

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Desperate Housewives

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