Desperate Housewives
They Asked Me Why I Believe In You

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They Asked Me Why I Believe In You

Cut to Betty walking nervously back into her house. Matthew already has the television tuned to exactly the same station. They look at each other with huge relief. Betty: "They've arrested somebody." Matthew: "Yeah, looks like we're in the clear." Dum dum dum etc.!

Bree, Edie, Susan, Gabby, and Gabby's epic hair extensions are sitting around the table playing cards. Ooh, a group scene! Bree lets the ladies in on the good news about Rex's body being released by the police, finally. Bree, I'm very glad to see, is out of the black and into a nice loden-green scoop neck top. The bun, however, is still cemented into place. Bree tells everybody that she still can't believe that the police thought she was capable of murder! Edie: "Well...you are wound up pretty tight." All the ladies stare at her, aghast, for saying such a thing, so she clarifies, "What? The supermom is always the first to snap. They've done studies." Bree wonders if the ladies are available this coming Friday morning for the reburial. Bree realizes it's an imposition, but Danielle is away on a class trip and Andrew is back at Camp Hennessy for a "little refresher course." So Bree was hoping the ladies would stop by "the very brief and dignified ceremony" and maybe say a few words. Bree herself plans on reading a poem. Bree is cutely sweet and warm in this whole scene. Susan and Gabby say they'd love to come, but Edie says she's busy. Bree gets up from the table, and Susan hisses at Edie for trying to back out of the reburial. Edie hisses back at Susan: "She's going to read a poem," which, as a fellow poem-phobic, made me laugh. Susan stomps Edie's good foot under the table (Susan is, I think, a sadist, in love with inflicting pain?), and Edie blurts, "Fine, yes, we'd all love to come." Bree thanks them, and tells them they just don't know how much it means to her: "I realize, looking back, I was still in shock during Rex's first funeral, I don't think it had quite hit me yet what had happened, so that's why this small ceremony means so much to me, because I realize now that this is the last change I'm going to have to say goodbye." Gabby leans over and gives Bree's hand a squeeze, while Edie says, "Unless, of course, they dig him up again." All the ladies give shocked looks and eye-rolls. Edie is awesome.

Gabby and Carlos are in for a round of jail-time group couples' therapy. A bald Bob is tearfully sharing: "Sure, there was [sic] times when Lisa was rude and obnoxious, but I know now that was no excuse to always be beating on her. Oh, baby, I'm just so sorry!" Bob gives Lisa a big hug. Something about that bit make me squirm, like the writers were straining to make a joke here about spousal abuse, but it just came off as kind of creepy. The priest moderator applauds, and tells the group that the Lisa and abusive Bob are an example of how to "use incarceration to [their] benefit; it's a chance for people to take a step back and observe the obstacles in their marriage." Mona, a sassy woman with melon-ous breasts and a tan camo pantsuit, interrupts the priest: "Can I go now? Because I have a lot to say about the obstacles I'm facing in my marriage." Her man-friend, Lamont, insists that they don't have any obstacles. Mona responds that they do so have obstacles -- big ones -- but the priest interrupts them, saying it's actually Gabby and Carlos's turn to share. Carlos: "Thanks, but we're good." He puts his hand on Gabby's knee, and she lifts it off and throws it back in his lap. The priest keeps riding them to talk, and finally Gabby admits that their marriage is "shaky, at best." She explains about the brilliant lawyer she hired to get Carlos out of this "hell hole," but then Carlos fired him, for no reason! Carlos and Gabby start bickering about how Carlos is jealous of the Lecherous Lawyer Bradley, which Carlos says he has a right to be (jealous), seeing as how Gabby cheated on him. Beater Bob gasps, and Gabby says to him, "Oh Bob, you beat your wife, you are so not allowed to gasp." Bob's woman-friend Lisa yells at Gabby not to talk that way to Bob, and Gabby tells her, "One more word out of you, Lisa, and I'll backhand you myself." And again, maybe I'm a hippie feminist NoCal politically correct nightmare, but I find this continued wife-beating joke still not so funny. Carlos: "Thousands of fat, bald attorneys out there in the world, and [Gabby's] got to get the one that looks like an underwear model." Gabby says that Carlos can rot in jail for all she cares, etc.!

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Desperate Housewives

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