Previously: Lynette's lifelong bad friend Renee joined the show and stirred up drama. Paul returned and did the same. And some other stuff, too, but I'll assume you've read the recaps. This week, Tom's depression is so important that he gets the opening Mary Alice voiceover. She tells us Lynette's tried everything to cheer him up: cooking, joke-telling, wearing sexy lingerie. But Tom's still depressed. So she sends him to the doctor, but is pissed when he comes home with a prescription for anti-anxiety medication. She suggests he go to Susan's naturopath, Dr. Ross, instead. She promises: "Whatever he says, I'll go with it." Tom comes home from Dr. Ross all happy and ridiculous, because his prescription is for medical marijuana. MAVO finishes, "Tom Scavo had been battling depression, but he was now facing a much bigger battle ... with his wife."
Then MAVO talks about how we all want happiness, even lesser players Celia (ice cream), Bob (new clothes), and Parker (cute girl). Then there are Bree, Susan, and Lynette, who want the gossip from Paul's wife, Beth. So they bring her a giant basket of muffins. Beth calls Susan her "landlady," but Susan wants her to think of her as a friend. Then she starts ridiculing the way she and Paul have decorated the house. They invite Beth to play poker, and promise to teach her to play since she doesn't know how. When they leave, Paul tells Beth never to confuse being nosy with being friendly. But he does want her to go, and give them all sorts of meaningless information. He hopes they'll think of her as a friend. She wonders why he wants her to be friends with people he doesn't like, and he replies, "In time, it will be useful."
Gaby and Carlos are meeting with the hospital execs, signing papers that say they agree not to bring legal action against the hospital, in exchange for the hospital stopping its search for the other family. Gaby hesitates, but then says the only person who can imagine her pain is the other mother, so she'll sign to spare her this pain. At Bree's, Hot Handyman shows her the yellow wall he's painted; she doesn't like it, so he tells her that no one looks at the walls when she's in the room anyway. Bree tells him he certainly knows how to sell yellow. Not as well as Coldplay, but I guess we can't all be Chris Martin. Anyway, Renee interrupts and tells Bree that, since they're both getting divorced, they should hang and look for guys. Bree says she's not really the type who hangs, and she's doing just fine finding guys sitting here at home, thank you. She casts a fond glance at Hot Handyman, but Renee doesn't see him. On her way out, Renee says, "Wow. A beautiful classy woman who can get a man without leaving the house. I don't see us being friends."
Speaking of getting men without leaving the house, Susan's doing her sexy-talk and vacuum act, and ends with a little finale in which she pretends there's lint on her apron and then vacuums it off, sucking off her apron to reveal an even skimpier sheer nightie. Maxine comes in then and tells Susan how amazing she is, and gives her a bonus check for being the top girl of the month. She even unseated Stacy Strauss, which she assures Susan isn't easy to do. Susan thanks Maxine and says she and Mike are finally starting to save some money. Maxine tells her not to save everything; she should also treat herself to something nice.
Hot Handyman's eating a ham, gruyere, and fig mustard sandwich Bree made when a young, cute girl drives up in a Jeep. Hot Handyman introduces her as his girlfriend, Stephanie, so Bree runs directly across the street and tells Renee to let the stud hunt begin.
Later, poker's apparently at Gaby's, as she's staring at a picture of herself and Juanita when Bree comes in and asks her if something's wrong. Gaby pretends she's okay, and they join the other ladies. Beth's sharing all about her floozy of a mom, who'd move in various guys during her childhood. Gaby asks how Beth and Paul met, but Beth doesn't want to bore them. Lynette assures them they won't be bored and offers her more wine. Beth says she saw Paul's picture in the paper during the trial, and his eyes spoke to her. Susan asks her if the headline, "Arrested for murder," didn't speak to her. Beth admits that gave her pause, but when they started corresponding she realized how great Paul is. She says you can't help who you fall in love with, and calls Paul a real "lady-killer" with a creepy giggle that makes me think she might know she's speaking literally. She says they fogged up the Plexiglas with that one. And she always knew in her heart he was innocent. She says she was right, and all the other ladies look skeptical. Lynette says, "Yeah. So let's play cards."
At the Scavo home later, Lynette's cooking when Tom comes in and grabs about three bags of chips from the kitchen. He tells her wants to be prepared for the hunger since he's never smoked pot before. He also has Pink Floyd on his headphones, because he heard it complements the medicinal qualities of "Blueberry Bliss." Lynette points out that Tom, the college nerd, is loving that he can finally smoke pot and be cool. Tom protests he was plenty cool, but he didn't smoke pot because he was too busy signing an abstinence pledge with his Dungeons & Dragons group. I guess Tom doesn't know the meaning of the word "cool." Tom invites Lynette to join him behind the garage for a little doobage, but she tells him to take this seriously. She doesn't want the kids to see their dad stoned, but he tells her not to worry, because he has total stoner sunglasses on. He takes off, but leaves the pot behind. Lynette, being Lynette, takes this opportunity to swap out the pot with oregano.
In the laundry room at their apartment, Mike asks Susan what she wants to do for their anniversary on Saturday. She's thinking Chez Naomi (remember, that's where Mike said they might as well eat money), and he protests only a little before giving in to the splurge for Susan. He leaves her folding laundry, and the lady across the laundry room pipes up that Chez Naomi's awfully expensive, and it must be nice. Susan introduces herself, and the other lady says she's Stacy Strauss (she's also Lenore on Hung). She accuses Susan of lifting her move of putting the feather duster in her mouth. Susan swears she doesn't watch the other girls perform. Stacy yells at her about getting the big bonus check, and tells her to watch her back.
Back at the Scavo Home of Fake Potheads, Tom comes in and tells Lynette's he's "Lucy in the Sky High." She tells him this must be pretty intense for him and moves her hands quickly in front of his face. He musters a "Whoa" in response. Then Lynette talks gibberish, reminding him that "tomorrow we have to trombone 3-D banana patch. Remember?" He says this stuff is really strong, and Lynette replies, "Snow shovel." Tom: "Exactly!" Then he tells her that he was just upstairs watching Paige sleep for like an hour. He's all blissful about how perfect she is and how lucky he is. He couldn't feel happier. Lynette kisses his head and tells him how happy she is that it's working.
Susan and Gaby are shopping for dresses. Susan like some pretty, expensive ones, but Gaby reminds her she's on a budget. Susan says she's been selling a lot of jewelry, and Gaby's like, "Get out!" But then adds a quick "...out there and sell more jewelry." Susan goes to try on a silk dress, leaving Gaby alone to have her own crisis. Which happens when a little girl in the mall mistakes Gaby for her mom. Gaby crazily asks the girl's mom where she was born, and when, but the lady takes off as anyone would. Then Gaby looks around and sees three other little girls who could be hers. Cut to Gaby telling Bob she has to find the little girl. He says he works with a private detective, but Sanchez is such a common name, which is why the hospital didn't find them already. But Gaby knows something the hospital doesn't. When she was in labor, the other woman's mother came into Gaby's room by mistake and got to talking: She lived in El Paso and was excited to have her granddaughter baptized at Santa Maria's church. Bob says that will help, and asks if Carlos is on board with this. Gaby lies that he absolutely is.
Susan shows up at Maxine's to get the latest money; while she's there, she notices Stacy Strauss on the monitor, vacuuming off her apron. She yells to Maxine that Stacy's stealing her vacuum bit. Maxine clearly doesn't give a shit, so Susan steals Stacy's room key on her way out. But the next door we see is Bree's, where a sexily-dressed Renee is knocking. Bree answers in a cardigan that goes up to her chin and her hair pulled up on the sides. Very prim. Bree says she's ready to party, and Renee says she looks like she's ready to tour the Reagan library. Bree protests that this is a cocktail cardigan: "Look closely. The buttons are shiny." Renee heads to Bree's closet, where she's disgusted at all the sweater sets. She tells Bree that when two women go out, they can both be pretty or one can be a grenade; which does she want to be? Bree pulls a black dress out of the back of the closet; Renee's impressed with the plunging neckline, but Bree, disgusted, tells her that's the back!
At the club, lots of people dance but Renee insists the place is dead, since everyone seems to be already paired u