Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now!
Welcome To Kanagawa

At the dinner party, Andrew has figured out Bree's agenda. Which is not surprising, since Bree's agenda is visible from space. After he drags Bree into the kitchen with him, he demands, "You're pimping me out for a new roof?" "And windows!" Bree corrects. Besides, she doesn't actually want Andrew to have sex with the guy; just get his hopes up. "I've done it all my life," she breezes. Andrew agrees to flirt with Walter, in exchange for a 60-inch flat screen. Bree agrees, and she's willing to throw in surround sound if Andrew can get Walter in on time and under budget. I'm so glad these two have worked out their issues and can function as a normal mother and son at last.

And it turns out that Julie overheard the whole thing from on the stairs. She goes running to Susan, who isn't ready to let Bree leave, and she's prepared to sabotage Walter's emotional well-being to prevent it. Susan goes scampering down to invade the little group and yammer about Andrew's past, as well as the age difference between Andrew and Walter, and the likelihood that Walter's friends will see Andrew and assume he's paying for sex. Literally, she says this, and nobody slaps her. But that's only because I sit too far away from the TV. Andrew and Bree and Orson desperately try to smooth things over, Orson telling Walter, "[Andrew]'s got a mesh tank top that would bring tears to your ex's eyes. "But Walter has decided that Susan is right, and he's out. Her work done, Susan prepares to head back upstairs with pie for her and Julie, but Bree tells her she's not going anywhere.

Lynette and Mrs. McC arrive at the baseball field, which is locked up tight. Fortunately, Lynette thought to bring a set of bolt cutters.

After seeing Walter out, Bree returns to Susan's living room, imperiously commanding, "Leave us!" Andrew and Orson scatter. Susan wilts under Bree's glare and confesses that she doesn't want Bree to leave and stop taking care of her. "It's helping me feel like I'm not just about to fall apart," she says pathetically. So, after Susan confesses that she sabotaged the repair of Bree's house so that Bree could continue her domestic feats for her -- while also taking care of a newborn, I hasten to remind you -- Bree offers to make Susan some chocolate chip cookies. Bree is a much nicer person than I am. This week.

Lynette and Mrs. McC carry the Ziploc bag of Ida to a spot on the infield. Mrs. McC recites "Do not stand at my grave and weep," and they head to third base to begin the dumping. While Lynette is tipping out Ida's mortal remains, Mrs. McC remembers that Ida was actually shortstop. Before this can go on much longer, the lights come on and the cops arrive. Lynette runs from them, ashes billowing out behind her the whole way, long enough for the bag to be emptied. She and Mrs. McC. get hauled off the field, pleased that their work is done.

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Desperate Housewives




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