Desperate Housewives
We're Gonna Be All Right

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We're Gonna Be All Right

Gabby stands in front of a laptop and preps Carlos for what he's about to see. Over Gabby's shoulder we can see part of the screen, which features a cute photo of Gabby in a Santa hat, looking at the camera flirtily over her naked shoulder. You can also just make out a big pile of navigation buttons -- labeled with some cursive-y font -- running down the side of the screen (I think that's what Ralph meant when he described the girlie site as "classy"). Gabby: "What you are about to see will most likely shock and upset you." Ha! She sounds like the narrator of a dramatic crime re-enactment. Gabby refreshes Carlos's memory about "Scott," the guy she was dating when she met Carlos, whom she dumped just as soon as she started dating Carlos. Gabby hesitates, heaves a big sigh like she's going to go for it, but still she stalls: "Oh, Carlos. I love you so much." Carlos impatiently scoots her aside and sits down at the computer. Carlos: "What is this?!" Gabby, wringing her hands: "Scott's website! With pictures of me on it!" Carlos leans in for a closer look. Gabby urges him to "say something!" Carlos: "Oh. My. God." Gabby does some verbal tap-dancing, explaining that the photos were supposed to be "funny," a "naughty little Christmas gift" for her then-boyfriend. Carlos clicks around the site, and each time he clicks on something, a little chirp-bell sounds, which is kind of an annoying interface feature? But, maybe when combined with an endless stream of naked, holiday-themed Gabby photos, the bell creates some kind of positive Pavlov link in the site visitor's mind. Carlos comes across a particularly provocative shot, and yells, "OH MY GOD!" Gabby, turning her head to the side: "I know. I was...freakishly flexible back then."

Gabby asks Carlos what they're going to do, and Carlos sighs and says he guesses he'll call his lawyers. Gabby: "I gave the pictures to him as a gift, he owns them!" Carlos: "Then I guess we're screwed." Gabby tells Carlos her plan: Carlos should go over to Scott's and rough him up, then "he'll take the pictures off the website like THAT [Gabby snaps her fingers]." Carlos: "I'm sorry, but this is your mistake. You have to fix it yourself." Gabby: "And I would love to, but I have the upper-body strength of a kitten, I need a brute!" Carlos informs Gabby that he's only now getting his "rage issues under control," and Gabby needs to find some other brute to do her dirty work. Gabby: "When you left prison, did they leave you a contact list?" Whatever. This whole subplot is dumb: it's not like finding someone to force Scott to take down the pictures is going to make a difference. Doesn't Gabby realize that once something's on the internet, it's always on the internet? Those original images have multiplied, and those multiples in turn have spawned duplicates. And so on, and so on, and so on.

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Desperate Housewives

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