Desperate Housewives

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It's a Creepy Day in the Neighborhood

Dave gets creepy/motivational, and apologizes for her bad day. Edie agrees with me, and tells him she hates his motivational voice. He wants her to relax and take a shower. She doesn't get why they have to live here of all places, and he said they can be happy here. And he'll see to it that people start treating her with more respect. She points out he didn't answer her question. All he says is, "Didn't I?" And then he walks away. Edie, dear, that is one of many signs that this guy is bat-shit. Get. Out. Now!

Gaby's checking her mail. She's excited to find out they got invited to a party, which means she'll have to buy something nice. She storms in the front door to tell Carlos, and gasps when she sees him massaging a naked old man. Unfortunately, Gaby got a terrible view, and calls Carlos to the kitchen. He says he knows she doesn't like him working downstairs, but the guy couldn't get upstairs with his bum hip (and he's missing a testicle, points out Gaby, for no reason whatsoever other than for the show to be dirty). Gaby doesn't know how much more she can take. He says he'll set up the table in the garage. She said that's only part of the problem, and that they need more money. He said he doesn't want the country club job, but she's pretty forceful about it. She misses her life and shopping. He finally relents and says he'll take the job. Then Gaby walks in on the old guy again. Will she never learn?

Jackson's trying to choose clothes to wear for his date with Mike. Or, more accurately, Susan's choosing them. Jackson doesn't think Mike will care what he wears, but Susan says he needs something that makes him look responsible. She then tells him what is acceptable to talk about with Mike, even going so far as to tell him he cannot be a soccer fan (which he is), but instead must pretend to like American football. Specifically, the Colts. She points out other manly things he can talk about: cars, barbecue, fishing. Jackson wonders if he can also talk about fire with Mike. It's a Neanderthal joke that sort of falls flat, so I'm too embarrassed to even type it up in full. Susan asks him to take this seriously. He is, but he won't pretend to be something he's not. What's the big deal if Mike doesn't like him? Susan points out Mike could take her to court and force her to choose between Jackson and MJ, and Jackson will lose. Jackson: "Peyton Manning is the greatest quarterback who ever lived." I give him points just for knowing Manning's the Colts quarterback. Susan's impressed, too, but tells him to go shave.

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Desperate Housewives

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