Carlos and Gaby start their twisted relationship with Grandma Nutjob. It starts out all poolside margaritas and lobsters dinners, but quickly turns weird. First, Grandma Nutjob crawls into bed with Carlos and Gaby, and then she actually insists that Celia and Juanita call her "Grandma." When Gaby decides she has enough crazy in her family already, Grandma Nutjob gets really devious and reports Carlos to the country club for touching her inappropriately during their last massage.
Lynette and Tom quickly realize what's going on with Porter and Mrs. Robinson (er ... Ann), and make him end it. Lynette basically beats the crap out of Ann in the bathroom at a PTA meeting. It is awesome, and will have you rooting for Lynette, despite all of the times lately that she's seemed like a cranky old woman. But then Ann calls a secret meeting with Porter to break the news that ... she's pregnant. Uh-oh. So not only were they careless with their condom wrapper disposal, but also with the condom use? Porter and Lynette have a heart to heart, and he's surprisingly understanding. But there's a reason: He's planning on running off with Ann.
Susan and Jackson continue "getting to know each other." She tells him very stupid things about her childhood (mostly involving boobs), and he tells her that he is an actual painter of pictures but has been blocked for about a year. She's found the solution, though, because after two dates without sex, he starts painting. After the third date (and many drinks), she'd really like to have sex but he goes home to paint instead. She comes over and finds the painting (it's of her), and ends up posing nude so that he can finish her ... hands.
Orson and Bree are so successful in business together that it turns them on and they have sex in the test kitchen (I know: ew!), and then a disgruntled employee steals their surveillance camera and catches a couple having sex. Luckily, Andrew hires some bikers to get the tape back, and spares the world an Orson-Bree YouTube tape. But Andrew watches it (And again: ew!) and tells Bree and Orson to do the same. Turns out it's Mike and Katherine. (One last time: ew!) Bree takes the video to Katherine and lectures her about doing this to Susan, because they're women. Apparently it's okay for men to sleep with their friends' exes. Who knew? Katherine plays stupid and doesn't listen, and shows up at Mike's again later.
In our mystery plot, Creepy Dave continues to be uber-creepy about the garage band, but no one seems to notice. They just think he's really into the band. I'm sure it's just their extra-large egos making them think anyone could care this much about this ridiculous band. Mrs. McCluskey goes to live with her sister, Lily Tomlin, who is supposed to be a bad-ass. We know this because of the weird leather conductor's hat, which serves to make her look creepier than Creepy Dave. Anyway, they get Creepy Dave's phone records and call the number that calls him once a month, the hospital, trying to find out what's up. The doctor calls them out on how illegal what they're doing is, and they end up revealing Dave's whereabouts. Before the end of the episode, the doctor's booked a flight to Fairview. I smell trouble.
What would happen if they jumped another five years ahead? We've got an idea what it would look like. Come back on Tuesday for our full weecap.
First off, thanks to Zach for filling in last week so that I could take a nice, long relaxing weekend. And also thanks to all of the doctors who have Gale Harold recovering. I can't believe I haven't mentioned that before now, but I have definitely been thinking positive thoughts and wishing the best for him (and for me, since I will not enjoy weecapping this nearly as much if he's not in an episode).
Previously: Susan and Jackson decided to start over. (It's so simple! Problems just go away!) Gaby was upset that Carlos was giving a massage client orgasms until the woman flashed her money (and dresses) at Gaby. Katherine hooked up with Mike. Lynette caught Tom in what looked like a compromising situation with Anne, but it was really Tom who caught Preston with her -- except Tom didn't know who he caught Preston with, just that he'd been having sex in the band's rehearsal space. I think practice is officially ruined for Tom, by the way.
Title cards tell us this is "That Same Night," and "Five Minutes Later." At the Scavo house. There's a slight misunderstanding. Lynette thinks Tom's having an affair with Anne. Tom returns from the garage and tells Lynette it was a false alarm at the restaurant. She calls him a liar, and he plays dumb. Which, technically, Tom, you're lying to her either way, so cool it with the innocent act, would you? Lynette says she followed him to warehouse and knows everything. When people say they know "everything" to other people on TV or movies, there is almost always a misunderstanding and then we get the fun conversations that follow. This one's a perfect example. First, Tom laughs and grabs a beer. Lynette's like, "I'm going to need a little more than that." He tells her she's right, and he shouldn't have kept this from her -- and, for what it's worth, he wanted to bring her in on it, but thought she'd overreact. She's shocked that that's what he's afraid of. He tells her to face it: Boys will be boys, and then asks if she's really surprised. He says this isn't the first time this has happened, and won't be the last. She says she's going to have to kill him now. Tom's like, "He's your son, too." She asks what he's talking about, and Tom says he found out Porter's been hooking up with some girl at the band's rehearsal space. Just then Porter walks in, and Lynette stands up and says, "You're having sex with your best friend's mother?" Tom stands up, too, shocked. [I'm actually glad that misunderstanding was resolved as quickly as it was. For some reason, I imagined it being drawn out forever, because Lynette is stubborn and Tom is a dimwit. - Zach]