Desperate Housewives
What Would We Do Without You?

Episode Report Card
Evany: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
From Zero to Proposal

...the Sunny Pastures Retirement Home. It's sabotage! Edie waltzes in and brings nice little old lady "Mrs. Simms" (Carlos's landlady) a bunch of flowers. Mrs. Simms is ecstatic to see Edie pretend that she's a big Mrs. Simms fan, even though this is the first time Edie's come to pay the woman a visit in the years she's been here. Edie wastes no time in steering gossip over to Carlos, whom she acci-purposefully outs as a "functional junkie" with a bit of a hooker problem. The scene ends with Edie very helpfully helping the arthritic Mrs. Simms to rip up Carlos's lease. Please Edie, just stop. Really, this is getting pathetic.

Susan's out checking her mail when Gabby jogs by. Gabby races up to hug Susan and coo about how "devastated" she must be over whole Ian thing, but then Mike walks up with a box of stuff. Gabby, archly: "I see you picked up the pieces!" Susan waves her rock around and Gabby coos appreciatively. But things turn sour when it turns out that Gabby took over Susan's wedding date the second she heard about the fallout with Ian -- you see, Mayor McBusive wanted to get the vows exchanged pronto so as not to raise any town eyebrows over "shacking up" with Gabby. Mike gamely offers to shift their date, but Susan isn't letting it go: "Gabby did you really think I would want to spend what would have been my wedding day watching someone else get married?" She has a small point. And it would have been nice if Gabby had at least checked in with Susan to make sure it was okay to completely rob her of all the details of her own unique romantic fantasy. But on the other hand, the sooner Susan realizes she isn't the center of the Fairview universe, the sooner we can stop sighing in irritation whenever she crosses our screens. And why blow the nice, happy glow of her proposal on a bickery fight over an abstract objection over her no-longer-a-factor heartache over Ian? Mike, again: It's not too late to make a run for it! Mike pulls a still-steamed Susan inside the house, and the camera lingers long and hard on Gabby's puzzle-frowning face as we head into commercial.

When we return to our regularly scheduled programming, Susan's had enough time to calm down, and she walks over to Gabby's to make nice and hand-deliver her RSVP. Except...guess who's over at Gabby's? None other than Susan's own wedding florist, whom Gabby has also poached. Not only that, but Gabby's lifted the exact same bouquet configuration (a totally forgettable mix of peach tulips and pink roses, whatever) that Susan picked out for her wedding. It also turns out that Gabby's lifted Susan's caterer and her "swing band," too. Just like that, Susan's ramped back up to Defcon 1. I don't know, Susan; swing bands are so 1998 -- you should be glad Susan took that stale bullet for you. And really, it does seem pretty lame to steal a friend's entire wedding like that. But, worse still, it's far-fetched: am I really supposed to believe that Gabby would pick the same anything as Susan? The two women have completely different tastes. Gabby finally acknowledges that Susan has basically planned her entire wedding for her, and she tries to rectify things by offering Susan a check for $10,000. Ugly words are exchanged: Gabby accuses Susan of rushing into things with Mike (true!), Susan accuses Gabby of doing the same thing (which...also true!), and then Gabby says something super-mean about how maybe Susan's going to suddenly discover that she misses Ian, and Mike will find himself longing for his coma. Pow! Susan throws the florist's arrangement across the room and the vase shatters. Then she rips up her RSVP. And then she crazily grabs a handful of "her" flowers and herky-jerks off home. Oh Susan. Just take the ten grand and shut your whine hole -- now that Ian isn't footing the nuptial bill, you're really going to need it.

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Desperate Housewives

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