...drunk Susan and Gabby, sitting on Susan's couch, eating chocolate and sipping wine and comparing notes about how scary it is to face the idea of getting married again. That sounds like a capital idea! (Evany uncorks the Safeway sauvignon blanc; Evany peels back the tin foil on a Cadbury Fruit and Nut bar.) Susan shluffs that she is "ninety-nine percent" positive about Mike being her Mr. Rowr, but still there's that "pesky one percent" that keeps her from being, well, one hundred percent sure. Mostly, her worrying is fueled by the fact that she remembers being so sure when she married Karl, and look how that turned out. Gabby admits that the whole idea of swapping vows is totally "scary"; yes, she's "crazy" about Mayor McBusive, but it really has only been just three months. (That's what she said! And by "she," I mean me.) Susan Forrest Gumps (what, again?!) that marriage is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you're going to get "until you're in the middle of it." By way of demonstrating, Susan cracks open a bon-bon, and it's one of "those hard jelly ones." Susan gasps; could this be a sign? Susan fights off the panic and swoons her head in Gabby's lap. "Getting married," she slurs, "is scary, but at least we'll be doing it together." Gabby has a brainstorm. She cups Susan's head in her hands and coos that they should "get married together!" Susan: "Oh! I'm beyond flattered, I find you to be an incredibly attractive woman..." Silly Susan; Gabby is talking about a Double Wedding. You know, just like on The Brady Brides! Susan squeals. Gabby squeals. Susan squeals. Gabby squeals. Susan squeals. Gabby squeals. Susan squeals. And then Gabby says, "Just so you know, if I was a lesbian, I'd totally do you." Susan, looking uncomfortable: "That's good to know." Oh Susan, shhh. You know you'd go Indigo Girl for Gabby, too, don't deny it! Also: Best scene of tonight's episode, that was.
The next morning. The Desperate cam pans across a sea of regret, from the wine bottle tipped over on its side to the sea of empty chocolate wrappers. MAVO: "It's a fact of life that brides to be who agree to a double wedding late at night often feel differently come the dawn." Ah, the sugar-and-booze hangover -- there's nothing quite like it. Susan is lying in bed next to Mike. She opens her eyes, and for a few beats, she's looks perfectly contented, but then the memory of the night before trickles back, and a look of horror spreads across her face. And then we see Gabby waking up in her own bed, looking equally as panicked. Oh thank you, Marc Cherry! I was so dreading a double-dumb wedding -- I really appreciate you putting a bullet in this idea right up front. Next we get some back-and-forth scenes, with both ladies trying to explain the situation to their fiancés, only they're both scrambling to make it look like the other woman was the one to blame for the heinous scheme. Mike could actually go either way: he's pretty much willing to do whatever Susan wants to do. And since Susan doesn't want a double wedding, not at all, Mike is even willing to pretend that he flat-out refuses to be a part of it. "Tell [Gabby] that your groom's an old-fashioned guy," Mike says, "and he doesn't want to see anybody up on that altar but his bride." Susan, hugging up on Mike from behind, "So this is what marriage is all about, having somebody to hide behind?" It's a revolting sentiment, and yet...aw!