Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Skeletor Rigby

Lynette tells Tom he is never sleeping in their bedroom again, so he tells her the truth, which is that he's been feeling weird about this twenty years longer than she has, but couldn't ever find the right time. Then he hands her a Scavo Speech so Scavoriffic it'll make your hair sweat: "When would have been a good time? The day I found out you were pregnant with Porter and Preston? Parker's first birthday party? The morning that Penny took her first steps?" Couldn't even find time to buy a single condom in twenty years, and you want me to have this knock-down drag-out?

Susan heads over to Sophie's hotel room and they have what turns out to be a fairly moving, well-acted scene. (I always feel like I should say that I think Teri Hatcher is a pretty lady and a good actress, because I so hate the character she plays and what she has done to herself and her body that it can get confusing.) I mean, I don't want to dwell on what they talk about, because it's a hack job and you could write this dialogue without even knowing who the characters are, just as an exercise, so anyway: Everything's fine, Susan forgives Sophie for the horrible thing that was not actually horrible, actually manages not to blurt out that Sophie has cancer, but then gets those points by saying that she has always felt special for having the worst mom of anyone she's ever met. They nod, and hug, and think exclusively about themselves some more.

Penny needs to go to a soccer game, the Twins are clearly going to take her to the game and cheer her on, but they do a lot of very believable messing with her head before taking her, and it's super cute, and also Lynette and Tom hold hands, so... That huge thing that we've been worried about for half the season, turns out it was really just about poisoning Tom and then holding hands while their kids torture each other. Which that's pretty accurate to life, but considering how excited this show is about itself you always get pulled into thinking something cool -- I mean, anything really -- is going to happen. Every time. This show is like Lucy van Pelt with that football, I don't know how they get us like that.

Okay, pay attention to where people are. Bree sits everybody down in the kitchen and explains that she is bringing Beth into the house, and they assume it's so she can take Susan's other kidney, or something, but then subtle clues in Bree's conversation tip Gabby off that she's been talking to a priest. Renee won't help, though, and actually sides with Bree because of how terrible they've been to her since she showed up. Hint: It's easier to make friends when you're not constantly insulting them to their faces. Unless you're already married to them, in which case it's just how we roll.

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Desperate Housewives

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