This show stops being fun and gets mean this week, starting with Carlos, who's still treating Lynette badly at work. When she won't move to Florida, he puts her in a storage closet for an office, and has no remorse. Gaby sees her there and acts like she won't help, but then does. Too late, though, because Lynette's also lawyered up. Friendship terminated, folks, because then Carlos gives Lynette a task she can't complete and fires her. But she says she's not going quietly. And, because Lynette is the best character on this show, I officially hate Gaby and Carlos again. At least for now.
Katherine tells MJ what a bad person his mom is, and Mike threatens her. Then, when he arrives a birthday party to pick up MJ, he's told Katherine already got him. When he gets to Katherine's he sends MJ home and tells Katherine what they hadn't wasn't real; it was nothing, and all he ever thought about was Susan. She asks him to kill her if that's true, but he says he doesn't care about her enough to do that. So she calls the cops and says she's bleeding, then stabs herself (we don't see it, but we do see the knife, which is awfully bloody).
Angie and Nick worry the cops are going to come questioning him since he was at the coffee shop so late the night before Emily got killed. But then Julie breaks Danny's heart by telling him they'll never be together, and he tries to commit suicide. The trip to the hospital seems to distract Nick and Angie a bit -- they reminisce about the day they changed their identities. Oh, and we find out she killed a man, which is why they ran. He didn't have to, so she sees it as a big, old sacrifice. When Danny wakes from his post-suicide-attempt coma, he tells the nurse (Mona from Wisteria) that his name isn't Danny; it's Tyler. My problem with this is that if they changed their identities in 1991, as Angie says in the episode, Danny would have been awfully young, and you'd think he'd be used to being Danny by now.
Oh, and Susan discovers Bree and Karl's affair and tries to hurt Bree in self-defense class. But she ultimately comes around and is happy for the relationship, despite Orson (who's only in the episode for about one second, at the end, when Bree's watching him meet with the ex-con she and Karl set up to blackmail him).
Previously: Gaby discovered Lynette's pregnancy, so Carlos offered her a promotion -- in Miami. Katherine broke down crying to Susan over her love for Mike. Karl came up with a plan for Bree to blackmail Orson into a divorce by getting him to associate with a known felon. Nick made a call to an agent on his disposable phone, and a waitress overheard. He left the shop, and then someone showed up and strangled her (after she asked said person if they'd forgotten something).
We pick up on the waitress's body as Mary Alice tells us her name (Emily Portsmith) and how quickly word of her death traveled, since everyone in town knew her. Her family was known and respected (they cry when they get the call). She had been popular in school (so we get a shot of Parker on the bus, which is odd, since he seems years younger than Emily). And her loyal customers (our Desperate Housewives) were shocked that she'd been married. Mostly because another young woman had been attacked a few weeks before. We see Susan telling Julie what happened. So, everyone in Fairview knew there was a killer, and they'd soon learn he wasn't finished. We get a close-up of brown shoes and jeans as our killer drops a gum wrapper. If you have any idea why this happened, please let me know, because I'm at a loss.
The next day, the Wisteria women (sans Katherine, of course) get together for their weekly poker game. It's a full house (get it?) because in addition to Bree, Gaby, Lynette, and Susan, Mrs. McCluskey, Angie and Mona (who Susan selected at the neighborhood watch meeting) are there. But no one is in the mood to gamble, so they all sit around and discuss how similar Emily's murder was to Julie's attack. They all talk about how worried they feel, so Mona suggests taking a self-defense class at the hospital, where she works. Bree's okay with that, but pulls out her gun and says she really feels safer with her .38 Special. She offers it to Susan, but she's off guns ever since she accidentally grazed Katherine. Bree: "So, you're still going with 'accidentally'?" Susan glares, but it seems to be all in fun. I think. Julie walks through the room, and Mrs. McC invites her to self-defense, but she tells them her attack came on so suddenly, and she blacked out so quickly, that no self-defense could have helped her. "If someone really wants to get you, they can get you." Well, that really put a damper on this whole, "Let's get pumped in self-defense classes" coffee klatch.