Susan complains to Betty about the weird and endless clanking sounds emanating from Betty's house. Betty goes to a psychiatrist and claims that a horrific history with an abusive husband has led to some trouble sleeping. The doctor prescribes sleepy drugs, which Betty promptly grinds up and puts in Basement Buddy's soup. Susan's clanking problem? Solved! Karl sleeps with Edie, and indeed has been doing the honors for months. This brings up some feelings for Susan -- rage, jealousy, insecurity, hunger? -- which are perhaps to blame for her "accidentally" reversing her car over Edie. (Though maybe Susan was merely trying to put Edie's insane roller derby outfit out of its misery?) Mr. Mom Tom's house cleaning is not up to Lynette's standards, so she plants a rat in the house to scare Tom into implementing some elbow grease. Her plan works, but also gets the innocent rat flattened to death by Tom and his shovel. Carlos's cellmate discovers that he's rich and threatens to beat him unless Carlos gives the cellmate's girlfriend $7000 for breast-enhancement surgery. Gabby goes to drop off the money, but winds up talking the girl out of the operation instead. Carlos gets his beating, and enterprising Gabby uses his fear of future abuse to force him to reinstate her signing power over their finances. Rex's doctor finds the "I forgive you" note Rex wrote for Bree as he was dying, and shows it to...the police? No! He shows it to Rex's life-insurance agent. Mommy Phyllis's incessant crying and grief-hogging gets Bree so annoyed that she slaps her across the face right in the middle of a restaurant. George stops by to offer Bree comfort, Mommy Phyllis spies the two of them hugging, and slap-stung Mommy Phyllis reports Bree's philandering to...the police? No! She reports it to Rex's life-insurance agent. Total episode abuse tally? A slap, a beating, a flattening, and also vehicular assault.
MAVO invites us to meet paperboy Danny "I Want My Two Dollars" Farrell. Apparently, after six months of throwing papers into puddles, into rose bushes, and into the vicinity of sleeping pet cats, Danny has made some enemies along Wisteria Lane. MAVO: "People wondered if Danny would ever change. They should have talked to Susan Mayer. She could have told them that obnoxious boys tend to become obnoxious men." Susan comes out of her house, wearing a short robe over some kind of matching shorts-and-top sleeping gear. To fetch her paper, Susan has to walk all the way out into the middle of the street, which is where careless, unfeeling, future-philanderer Danny dropped it. As she bends to pick up the paper, Susan notices Karl. Karl, too, is wearing a short robe, which he's paired with boxers and a bare, bare chest, which features a startling array of taut six-packery. Is Karl making himself a little extra pocket money as an early morning strip-o-grammer? (And if so, I think I have some waffles that need buttering.) Oh. He isn't stripping. He's just picking up Edie's paper. Susan squints, not sure if her eyes are broken or what, and then her face does a lava-lamp morph from sleeping pre-coffee daze to surprise to anger.
Susan breaks into a funny little trot, with her arms sort of stationary at her sides, kind of like a ballerina making a big entrance. "Hey!" she yells. Karl looks up and then ducks. "Karl! I see you! Just stop right there," Susan shrills. Karl resignedly turns to meet her, "Hey Susie-Q," he says, all casual. Susan asks him just what it is that he's doing. He reveals that he's just there to get the paper. Susan points out that the paper in his hand belongs to Edie, as does the house he came out of. Karl: "Do we have to do this now? I haven't had my coffee." Which, I must say, I find both funny and truly sympathize-able. Finally Susan gets it: "Did you spend the night with Edie?" Karl just gives a little wince and/or passes gas, and rubs his well-developed stomach. Susan gives an "oh my god," and Karl tries to get her to calm down. Susan: "You are forbidden from ever seeing her again! You hear me? FOBIDDEN!" Karl points out that he and Susan are divorced, and that Susan no longer has a say in matters of his heart or penis. And really, Susan, I have to agree with him on this one. "I live on this street!" Shrewsan wails. "Your daughter lives on this street! I will not have you flaunting your sexcapades in front of us!" She raps Karl on the chest with her newspaper. Karl, by the way, is totally yawning here. "'Sexcapades'?" he asks, amused. But Susan just says, "FORBIDDEN!" one more time. Karl: "I would love to continue this, but it's time for breakfast, and Edie is making me a frittata." I just realized that "frittata" is kind of a funny word. Frah-tah-tah. Certainly it's the most sexy-sounding of the egg-based breakfasts. (What did one dirty vaudevillian say to the other? "Nice frittatas!" To which she replied? "Wait until you get a taste of my pigs in a blanket!") Susan gives a huge sarcastic gasp and says, "I just BET SHE IS." And then she turns and speed-marches off. Susan makes me sad for all women everywhere.