Desperate Housewives
You Could Drive A Person Crazy

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You Could Drive A Person Crazy

Carlos is, oops, all black and blue in his cute little orange outfit. I guess Richie wasn't really into Rita's empowerment scheme, especially in its average-sized breast format. Sorry, Carlos! Carlos accuses Gabby of trying to get him killed. Gabby explains that Rita didn't want the $7000 because it was for a boob job, and that Rita's boobs are perfectly fine as they are. "And honestly," Gabby adds, "what [Richie's] doing to her self-esteem is just cruel." Carlos, through swollen, split lips: "Please. You don't care about her self-esteem any more than I do; you just didn't want to give up all that money." Gabby testily tells Carlos that she does think it's silly to force money on someone who doesn't want it. Carlos lays down the law, telling Gabby that she's going to take that $7000 back to Rita and make sure she gets "jugs the size of Texas." Jugs the size of Texas! Ha ha. Funny to hear, and fun to type! They need to start spicing up the text for those typing courses, because typing piquant phrases like "jugs the size of Texas" could inspire a whole new generation to achieve at least 70 WPM. Gabby: "I just realized Rita and I have a lot in common." Carlos: "Please don't tell you me you have low self-esteem, because if I laugh now, I'm going to crack the one good rib I have left." Gabby clarifies that what she shares in common with Rita is that they're "both controlled by their husbands," only Rita and Richie aren't married, remember, Gabby? Gabby goes on: "Which is idiotic because they're behind bars. We should have all the power." Carlos says that all he's trying to do is keep himself out of the morgue. "It's not about that," Gabby says prissily. Carlos crabs that his morphine is wearing off and that he doesn't have time for this. Gabby tells him that she can't go back to Rita empty-handed. Carlos: "Bring me the checkbook and I'll make out a check for some cash." Gabby: "I was thinking that I'd be writing the checks." Carlos tries to protest, but Gabby says, "Careful, Carlos, you're not in a position to argue." I'm not sure about the money situation, here. Maybe I'm missing something, but why can't Carlos hire some third-party money manager and have him write the checks? It seems weird for Carlos to give up his one avenue of maintaining Gabby's loyalty. But whatever. So Gabby's writing the checks now! Which may not matter, really, since as soon as Rita gets her boobs done, Richie is going to want her to get ass implants or whatever. So, one way or another, their money supply going to start to bleed out.

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Desperate Housewives

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