Susan walks out to her car and Edie comes rolling up. And by "rolling," I mean that Edie is actually on roller skates. Also? She is wearing red short-shorts and a matching tube-top. I may be mistaken, but I think she's also holding a matching cap in her hands. And for the finishing touch, she has her hair swept up into two "Chrissy from Three's Company" pigtails. It is, I think, supposed to be a sexy fantasy look, but it is actually 100% batty crackers. Growing up, our town had an insane roller-lady too, only she wore a business suit and spent most of her time clutching parking meters. "So," Edie asks, "how much do you hate me?" Edie says that Karl told her Susan found out about their "dirty little secret": "I feel just awful. I mean, I should have told you I was doing your ex. It would have been the classy thing to do." Susan: "Well, etiquette is a lost art for many people." Edie insists that she never, ever thought anything would happen between Karl and herself, but that Karl just happened to bring Edie to a Mexican restaurant on their first date: "And you know what I get like when I drink tequila. Couple shooters and my bra unhooks itself." Susan says she understands (she is very subdued in the beginning of this scene, almost as though she's making a concerted effort to be an adult), and gets into her car. Edie leans in the window and tells Susan that this is her opportunity for her to let Edie have it: "C'mon. Tell me what a bitch I am. Yeah! For snacking on your leftovers." The whole time she's delivering this, Edie's doing a strange "jogging in place" thing, which, because she's on wheels, looks absolutely nutty. Susan says that Edie's welcome to skate off into the sunset with Karl; Susan doesn't care. Unwilling to let it rest (after all, clearly this is payback for when Susan gloated to Edie about moving in with Mike), Edie says that Karl told her Edie is the best sex he's ever had, "bar none." Oh yes she did! Susan, unable to resist, says she's glad Edie brought it up, because Karl actually told Susan that he's still in love with her. And it's on!
Susan drives off with a smile on her face. Edie laughs, ho ho ho, and then she glares after Susan's car and yanks on her cap. Good lord, she's also wearing bright pink wristbands. Susan stops to let a herd of kids cross the street, and is therefore trapped when Edie comes determinedly power-skating up to the car. "You," Edie says, "are a lying liar." Edie is sure Karl never said he still loved Susan. Also? She's wearing pink poms on her skates. Holy shit. She's like a rolling time machine! Susan informs Edie that Karl asked Susan to get back together with him the day after Julie's birthday, thus prompting the "now-legendary tequila/bra-popping incident." Susan makes to drive off, but now Edie's hanging on to Susan's door, threatening to key the car if Susan leaves. The crossing guard slowly backs away, clearly realizing that she is in the presence of two world-class crazies. They continue to yell back and forth while Susan maintains a nice, steady 2 MPH roll. Finally, she hits the brakes and asks why she would care if Edie dates a man that she despises. Edie gleefully points out that Susan cares because her relationship is over with Mike: "And now that you can't be happy, you don't want anyone else to be happy. Period." It's a good line to skate out on, and Edie takes her exit. Susan doesn't want the conversation to end there, though, so she puts her car in Reverse and, rather than turn her head and look out the back window as my driver's trainer very specifically instructed me to do, reverses using nothing but her feeble rear-view mirror to guide her, and...whoops! Down goes Edie.