Desperate Housewives
You Could Drive A Person Crazy

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You Could Drive A Person Crazy

The next day (on her lunch break, I guess), Lynette sneaks back home with a box full of rat and sets it free into the "promised land" of her family's kitchen. The floor is covered with crumbs, which does a good job of reminding us why she's resorted to these lengths, but it still seems like a very bad idea. As the movie she watched the previous night so graphically illustrated, rats multiply (though I guess that would take two rats, unless this rat, like Gabby, is mistakenly knocked up?). Also, you would think that a mother might be slightly leery of setting a rat loose around her children. I know rats make nice pets, but even if this one is friendly and clean and rabies-free, it's still going to scare the kids, and there's probably going to be lots of screaming and mayhem, and who knows what the animal's going to do in that situation? Though knowing Lynette's children, it's probably the rat that should be afraid. In any case: bad idea!

Betty pulls her gigantic SUV up in front of her house, and Susan runs over from her yard. Apparently, Susan's been hearing some weird noises recently? Betty claims not to know what Susan's stalking about, which Susan finds somewhat puzzling since she's pretty sure the noises are coming directly from the Applespite house. Susan starts to describe the sound: "It's like a clanging, clanging --" when she's interrupted by the actual noise itself. Betty, forced to admit she hears something too, blames it on Matthew, who's always "doing projects around the house." Betty guesses she's gotten so used to it that she just doesn't notice it anymore! Susan: "Even at two o'clock in the morning?" Using the most nutso, medicated singsong voice ever (outside of the MAVO herself), Betty apologizes: "Matthew's somewhat of an insomniac, Susan, but I will talk to him, and we'll put a stop to it." And at that very inopportune moment, Matthew himself walks up the street. What the? Who? Betty and Susan exchange an odd little moment, and then Betty thanks Susan for the chat. Dismissed!

Bree and Mommy Phyllis are at a nice restaurant, and Bree is on her celly. Apparently the queen of manners won't call anyone before 9 but has no qualms placing a phone call while sitting at the table with her mother-in-law. I am full of doubt! Bree is talking to a Mr. Flannery, telling him that this is her third phone call, and that she wants someone to call her back soon or she's going to be very "irritated." Apparently, Rex's insurance company is dragging its heels on paying off Rex's life insurance policy. Phyllis makes some odd comment about how sudden deaths make things complicated, and how it's "probably easier when people are just diseased." Lynette walks over; I guess she's taking a very long lunch, what with infesting her house with rat and the long sit-down meal. Lynette rubs Bree's shoulder and asks how she's been holding up. Bree manages to say she's doing all right, and then here comes Phyllis, first with a little hic of a sob, then with a slightly louder sigh, and then full-on huffing, puffing tears. Bree, with a rage-blocking smile, tells Phyllis that she needs to stop. Phyllis says she can't help it -- that when people talk about Rex, she just gets so worked up. She continues to hic and weep, until finally Lynette is forced to offer condolences to Phyllis as well. Phyllis ramps it up, keening that Rex is her first-born, and that she doesn't know what she's going to do without him. (Really, her first-born? Where are the other siblings, I wonder? Maybe they heard their mother was going to be at the funeral and steered clear?) Lynette clucks sympathetically, and Phyllis grabs Lynette's arm and hugs it to her cheek, bawling. Lynette asks Bree if she thinks Phyllis is going to be okay, and Bree gets up, walks around the table, and slaps Phyllis across the face. It is a very loud slap. "There we go," says Bree cheerfully. "Feel better?" Phyllis looks absolutely shocked, and it was very shocking, but it worked: finally, Phyllis is quiet. The silence is gratifying, but Bree could have achieved the same results with a slightly less violent tack, maybe a glass of ice water to the face? Flashed her frittatas, maybe? Lynette's reaction shot is truly fine here, a frozen smile paired with wide, "oh my god" eyes. Lynette leaves, and Bree asks Phyllis if she's ready to order, or if she needs a little more time? The scene ends with Phyllis still trying to catch her breath.

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Desperate Housewives

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