Desperate Housewives

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DeAnn Welker: B- | Grade It Now!
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Pain and Suffering
me questions about Juanita for Gaby, including "How old was she when you adopted her?" Gaby insists she wasn't adopted, but the nurse says two O blood types can't have an A. The nurse is like, "Oh. Never mind." Then she accuses Gaby of having an affair without actually accusing her of it. Gaby says she's been faithful and has nothing to hide, rips a piece of paper off Juanita's chart and leaves. Back at the Scavo home, Renee's tired when Lynette gets up. She says she was up late, talking to Tom, who she says has a lot on her mind. When Lynette asks if he was complaining about her, Renee pretends she doesn't want to get in the middle, but she totally does, so she goes on to tell her that Tom feels Lynette doesn't listen to him. Lynette tells Renee to stop having these conversations with her husband, and Renee says "Fine." But the eye roll as Lynette leaves the room is some indication she's full of crap. Hospital. Susan arrives with a poster from school for Juanita, but Gaby rushes her into another room. She interrogates Susan about some ski weekend they went on eight years earlier, when they had dinner with a French guy. Apparently, Susan went to bed and left Gaby and "Frenchie" drinking at the hotel bar. She asks Susan when she came back to the room, but all Susan remembers is the sun coming up. Gaby gets teary and says she thinks Juanita might be French.

MAVO makes a rare mid-episode appearance to explain Carlos's arrival home from his business trip (he saw Juanita during the commercial, apparently). When he gets home to Gaby, she pretends to be asleep, writhes around, then climbs on him and starts kissing. He thinks she's awake, but then she wakes up and slaps him, and says this must be her old "sexsomnia" thing in which she will have sex with anyone next to her. He doesn't remember this happening before, but she assures him it did with other people, and it's not funny; it's totally dangerous. Also, she says, "It's real. Look it up." And I did, and she's sadly correct. Carlos just wants to take advantage of this, but she's tired now.

Bree's working in her garden when Mrs. McC comes over to ask where Hot Handyman is. Bree explains she had to let him go, which Mrs. McC quickly realizes is because Bree's crushing on him and is afraid to act on her urges. Mrs. McC says that not living her life isn't the answer, but Bree's never been good at taking risks. Mrs. McC tells her to get good, because once they're regrets, it's too late. Lynette arrives home at her house with a baby and groceries. Either Preston or Porter is sitting on the couch, and says Tom and Renee went to dinner at a French restaurant (this episode is brought to you by: the French). He tries not to keep the baby, but Lynette leaves her there with him. When she walks into the restaurant, Tom looks sad and Renee touches his hand. She joins them, and asks what's up. Tom says they were talking about her, how she doesn't listen to him and won't validate his feelings. (Didn't they just do this last season?) Lynette calls Renee to another room, and yells at Renee for continuing this talking with Tom after she'd asked her not to. Renee says she was trying to help, but Lynette insists she's just doing what she does: a project. She likes to take people's lives apart for fun and then put them back together. Renee says she might be right and she's a terrible person, but there's still a man in there in terrible pain, and his wife won't listen to him. It looks like maybe Lynette's getting something from this. Which we all know will last about two episodes, at most.

Susan's looking at her tiny webcam when Mike comes home (she hides it in her pocket) with flowers. They're a gift because she already paid the car payment, which he was about to act for an extension for. She says she made a lot of jewelry money. He tells her how lucky he is to have a wife who teaches, makes jewelry, and cleans the house so happily that it led to sex. The next day, she's getting even more money from Maxine, who tells her how good she's getting. Susan says sadly that she's also getting good at lying to her husband. She doesn't seem to be worried about the school finding out, but that school of richie-rich kids and their richie-rich parents is never going to be okay with this.

Bree finds Hot Handyman in a dive bar (she called his answering service). She wants to apologizes for being out of sorts the other day, and asks him to come back. He's not really interested in how high-maintenance she is, though. But instead of just saying that, he compares her to a Maserati. Bree insists she's a family sedan with a beige interior. Which is completely true. He's still going to pass, so she takes his pool ball away to get his attention. She tells him she needs him, because her house is a mess -- and so is her life. She promises him she just wants him to clean up the house part. He doesn't say anything, so she tosses the ball back and leaves. But when she starts to back away, she hits Hot Handyman with her car. When she finds him back there on the ground, he tells her she has great legs and should consider jogging from place to place. He had come out to tell her he'll take the job back. Then he jokingly asks for her insurance information.

Lynette finds Tom in bed, and asks how he's doing. He wonders if this is genuine concern or her wondering if it's a heavy flow day. She apologizes for being so dismissive, and says she read the pamphlet and understands what he's going through, and thinks it's real. So she gives him two options: 1. A long conversation about his feelings. Or 2. She flashes him. He kisses her and says he really likes option 2, but wants to talk tonight. Paul Young, however, doesn't want to talk. Which he makes clear by giving Beth a sexy pink teddy. She says it's not her style, and then reminds him he said they can take it slow. He pushes and begs, then shows her letters in which she told him she longed to touch him and make love to him. But she sent those thinking he'd never get out of prison, and that it was just a fantasy. She apologizes and then Paul gets a little scary and mean. He tells her it's no surprise she has issues, since she married a man in prison for murder. But he's willing to help her. All he asks in return is a little affection. And he tells her he's a patient man, but he won't be forever.

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Desperate Housewives

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