Desperate Housewives
You'll Never Get Away From Me

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You'll Never Get Away From Me

Meanwhile, at the hall of justice: Bree, still wearing that turdy little bun, is going to put everyone's suspicions to rest: she wants the police to give her a lie-detector test! And yes, she'll absolutely waive her right to have a lawyer present, just as long as her children are allowed to watch her take the test.

Next, we see Bree in a cinderblock cell, a gizmo clipped to her pointer finger. A man is asking her mundane questions -- what is her name? Was she married to Rex? Did she temporarily separate from Rex last year? -- and watching the results on a laptop. The policeman, Danielle, and Andrew look on through a two-way mirror. Lie Man: "Did you kill your husband?" Bree, emphatically: "No." Bree looks at the laptop screen and sees that her reply made not a blip on the graph. It's odd, I think, to have the subject be able to see the results while the test is being conducted. I'm no scientist, nor am I a policeman, private detective, or pastry chef, but it seems like self-observed results might interfere with the overall validity of the test? Bree looks very happy that the detector has cleared her of murder (though I'm pretty sure that polygraph results aren't submissible in a court of law ["My many thousands of hours of viewing the Law & Order franchise confirm your suspicions." -- Wing Chun]). Next, the lie-man asks if Bree knows a man named George Williams. This throws Bree for a second, but she answers, "Yes." Lie Man: "During your separation from your husband, did you have a relationship with Mr. Williams?" Bree insists that George is none of their business. The observing policeman goes into the room: "If you want us to take this polygraph seriously, answer the questions we ask, okay?" He leaves the room, and the lie-detecting resumes. In the foreground, Danielle asks Andrew who George Williams is. "He's our pharmacist," Andrew tells her. I guess he never told his sister about how he saw Bree on a date with George. Bree tells the detector "yes," she did have a relationship with George. Lie Man: "Are you in love with Mr. Williams?" Bree gives a startled "What?" And really, that's a pretty ambiguous question. There are so many different ways a person can love someone: gently, savagely, frequently, upside-down.... Bree answers "No" and Lie Man makes a notation on his notepad. Bree looks at the screen and sees that it's spiking wildly. Panicked, she asks the man for a do-over. Again, she denies that she loves George, and again the machine calls her a liar. Danielle asks Andrew whether he saw those results, and indeed he did. So it's settled: Bree loves George! Bree looks in the direction of her children, her face full of shock, regret, and confusion. Actually, I think the whole "neurotic woman unsure of who or what she wants" market is totally ripe for a lie-detector craze.

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Desperate Housewives

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